Churched

My mom and I did go to church with my grandparents. When I was 9; something catastrophic happened in my spiritual life. Out of all the things my selective memory decided to hide from me; I remember that day. The pastor of our church was walking across our porch. “Odd,” I thought for him to pay us a visit. Mom went out on the porch to have an ‘adults only’ conversation.

You could say that I put too much stock in what I learned from cartoons. Now, if Bugs Bunny wanted to know what was going on, he would hold an empty glass up to the wall and listen. It didn’t work too well for me. I got a word here and a word there but not the full gist of the conversation.  

I really don’t remember mom’s immediate reaction. But I do remember the aftermath. We had been churched (as I was later to learn that was a thing). Mom and I had been kicked out of church because she was pregnant and unwed. I couldn’t wrap my 9 year old mind around that. Wasn’t church for the sinners? Wasn’t that where sinners were supposed to be?

For the next 21, years I hated God. He, in my book, was a dead beat dad. He hadn’t been around in years and his child support hadn’t been paid up. I also detested organized religion. It didn’t matter what branch of religion or creed. I really wanted no part of it. I wanted nothing to do with church, spirituality, faith, or anything associated with religion.

I made my granny so mad one time when I said the Bible wasn’t anything other than a book about Jewish genealogy. I’m sure she wanted to horse whip me.  

Then, I met my best friend. Through her influence I rededicated my life to Christ and just after my 30th birthday, got baptized. I often tease folks by saying all my sins were frozen out of me. I can’t remember if the heater went out of the baptism pool or if they forgot to turn it on. But it was mighty cold and in January no less. I have no doubt that the folks sitting next to me when I rejoined the congregation could feel the cold radiating off me.

Now, Christ is a very important part of my life.

We humans can do a lot to destroy someone’s faith in God. Some choose to let God repair the damage. Others choose to live their lives in the darkness created by ignorance, deceit, spite, or just plain hatred.    

Trying to live a Christian life is a very difficult thing to do. I say try. Because that’s what it is. I try. This world is just too much to handle by myself. If I thought about all the things that I have no control over, there is no way I could function. I would curl up in a ball in a dark corner and let life go its own way. I can honestly say that my life with Christ in it is much better than my life without.