Chapter 25
Since the queen mother had returned, Kessa was able to make good on her promise of dinner.
They were given free rein of the house. Kessa’s home was their home. Every day he found more out about this woman. How amazing she was. He found himself in a small study. It reminded him so much of being at Rajaf’s. He sat down at the desk piled with books, papers, scrolls, and just odd stuff that he couldn’t identify. On the only clean spot was two pieces of paper. He fought with himself about invading her privacy and reading them. Instead, he opened a drawer. ‘How odd?’ He thought. In the corner of the drawer was a grass ring. It looked brittle. Old for grass. He wanted to touch it but was afraid it would fall apart.
He shut the drawer. Curiosity got the best of him concerning the papers. He read them:
Fighting with God
Genesis 32: 22-32
Your will shall prevail.
Oh Lord, this is not easy.
You have lifted a veil.
This direction makes me queasy.
Is this truly the path you wish me to follow?
With Jacob you wrestled –
Lord, I am terrified. In this sin, I wish not to wallow.
I am relying on you to be my trestle.
I hear you. I think I understand.
Even Jesus ask for this cup to be removed.
Guide me through your plan.
I do not disapprove.
My knees shake,
while my blood boils.
My heart quakes.
The current fold, I wish not to soil.
Help me Lord.
Guide my hand.
This next phase of my life – help me ford.
I am terrified of this (quick) sand.
I made you a promise.
Only you can redirect my life.
Only you can make me conscious.
Bring an end to my strife.
Your face is what I seek.
Bring me to Peniel, oh Lord.
How long will we wrestle?
How long must I suffer?
He read it again. Was this about him? About them? He read it again. ‘You have lifted a veil.’ That line was about him. God was just now letting him see what an amazing person Kessa was. But the rest was her struggle. He didn’t know if he should be happy or mad. How could he be so terrifying? He was just a man. Why was she wrestling with God? Then it dawned on him, he was wrestling with his own demons while she was working this out with God. He absent mindedly wondered through the house.
He found himself in another small room. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. This room was comfortable and inviting. A calm feeling washed over him and he started feeling at ease. When he looked around, there wasn’t a lot of furniture in this room. A chair, piles of books, a round stool.
“Dinner is about ready.” She was behind him.
“What is this room?”
“It’s going to be a library when I’m done. My king, why?”
“Have I been here before?”
“Once.”
“Promise, just once.”
“Your house feels like an old friend.”
“Thank you.”
“You promise?”
“If you have been here more than once, I don’t know about it. Please come with me.” She led him back to her study. From one of the desk drawers she produced a box. “Is this good?” It was a medallion for Frego. It was smaller than Kol’s. Instead of gold, it was made from silver.
“What does it say?”
“Psalms 16:1”
“Why will you not tell me who made these?”
“Does it honestly matter? Especially, if you are pleased, my king.”
He hugged her. She wasn’t quite sure how long to let the hug last. It seemed to her that he needed a hug. So she hugged him back. Or maybe she needed a hug? He ended the hug with a kiss. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” His head was resting on her forehead. He was holding her face in his hands. “I’m sorry.”
“Did you mean it?”
‘Yes, say yes. You meant it.’ His brain screamed. Finally he said it out loud, “Yes.”
“Then don’t be sorry.” She gently whispered in his ear. So close her breath made him shiver.
“You didn’t answer my question.”
“I’m sorry my king. Question?”
“Will you marry me?”
“If I may be honest, I thought it was the pain talking.”
“I understand why you would think that.”
She kissed him gently on the lips. “I didn’t say no.”
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