Kessa was sitting in the bed reading when Max entered their chamber all but carrying Kol. Max made sure he was sitting on the bed; Kol curled up in a ball.
When she touched Kol’s arm, he flinched. “Max?” She questioned. He just shook his head. “Thank you, Max.”
Max bowed his head and left.
She gently ran her fingers through his hair. Traced the side of his face that was exposed.
His voice wobbled and cracked when he spoke, “take me away.”
She continued caressing his face, “I can do that.”
Kessa made arrangements for Frego and Abraham to watch over things while she got Kol away.
They were standing behind her house going through packs to make sure they were ready. She was. Kol was lost in the distance. Somewhere other than this moment. “No,” he mumbled. “Give me the heavy one.”
“You are paying attention.” She smiled.
“Where are you taking me?” He finally asked.
She smiled, “some place I know you’ve never been.” She whistled, patting her hands together, “Chico,” she called. He came running out of the house, down one of the well marked trails leading from Kessa’s.
They walked for hours without speaking. Kessa was right, Kol had not been here before. The trail led from her house, through the cliffs following the ocean. They took a break at the mouth of a cave. Below, the waves beat at the rocks. He lay on his stomach, watching, knowing the beating those rocks was taking. Those rocks didn’t stand a chance. Much like he was feeling. He didn’t stand a chance. Kessa lay down beside of him.
He laid his head on his hands. The crashing of the waves lulled him to sleep. A fire was crackling when he woke. It was dark. Chico was laying beside Kessa. A rabbit was roasting over the fire.
She noticed him watching her. “Husband.” She smiled.
“If I haven’t told you lately, I’m sorry. You are beautiful.”
“Thank you.” She patted the ground next to her. “Join me?”
She offered him food but he wouldn’t accept it.
Their fire crackled. The waves crashed against the rocks below them. “Have…” he trailed off. She watched him as he composed his thoughts, “have you ever wanted to just run with all your might and jump?”
She smiled knowing exactly how he felt. “Yes.”
“Can we?”
“I didn’t bring any rope this trip.”
His expression was heavy as he turned to face her. “Have you?”
“I can’t fly. God didn’t give me wings. But yes, I have jumped.”
“How did it feel?” His voice cracked.
“It was exciting. Thrilling. I wanted to close my eyes and let the air rush past me. One can only do that for the briefest of moments. You have to remain focused. You can’t loose control or you die.”
He thought about what she had said as he returned his gaze to the fire. “It will not ease how I feel.”
“For a moment, I’m afraid that what you feel will come crashing back around you harder than before.”
At some point he knew he had fallen asleep, the sound of her steps on the path woke him. She had been somewhere and found apples. After breakfast, he followed her into the cave, torches in hand.
Being inside this cave caused all the turmoil he was filling on the inside to bubble to the surface. He fought hard to make sure she couldn’t sense he was struggling. After a few hours of walking, light filled their path. So much so that Kessa put her torch out. When she took his, he knew she knew he was loosing his battle but she said nothing.
The light was coming from a large opening in the rock face. It made an egg shaped window that formed a breath taking view of the rugged wild ocean. He leaned up against the cave wall, taking in the beauty wrapped in loneliness. It didn’t take long for these feelings to overwhelm him. He sank to his knees. She wrapped her arms around him whispering, “do we need to go back?”
He couldn’t speak, merely shaking his head ‘no.’
She kissed his cheek. Leaving him alone to set up camp.
As the sun set, he was still on his knees. Watching the sky turn from blue to red. Hints of orange, yellow, purple, pink took their turn painting their stories across the sky. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn’t fight the blackness of night. Even it, with it’s all consuming depth couldn’t hold back the stars.
“I read the book.” Did he say it out loud? He had been fighting not to. He flickered a smile. “Took me long enough.”
Kessa was watching his chest. With each breath he took, it looked like his chest was going to cave in. “The one Max found in the floor?”
He was able to say it out loud. “It’s bad Kes. I know what I have to do but I can’t do it.” She didn’t say anything. “It’s going to hurt.” His voice cracked. His lips were trembling. When he turned to face her, tears were streaming down. “I can’t do this.” He reached a shaking hand toward her. She went to him. “Just when I think this job can’t get any harder. I hate this job. You and Frego are the only good things to come of it.”
“Don’t forget my husband; no matter what life throws at you, I’m right here.”
He kissed her on top of the head. Through sobs he spoke, “Kes, I’m sorry. I’m so very sorry.”
He hugged her up. The more he tried to stop crying the harder he cried, breaking her heart.
“K,” Kol fought to catch his breath. “Kessa, call me by my birth name.”
His body became tense as air fill her lungs, “David.”
His muscles contracted releasing her from his grip. “Again.”
She kept her voice low and gentle, “David.”
He visibly flenched. She held his face. “I can’t.”
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