Winter Season

Encounter with mom:

Esther woke to realize that she had fallen asleep on his couch. She thought in his arms but he wasn’t with her. She immediately became alert when she heard him heave. He was on the kitchen floor on his hands and knees. She was reminded of a cat trying to dislodge a hairball.

He thought he was trying to brush her away. But as she wrapped her warm arms around him, he welcomed her touch. So soft. He thought. She put her right hand over his racing heart and her left arm around his waist pulling him up to where his head was laying on her shoulder. The beating of her heart was calm and strong.

His concealed moans and gags became sputtering sounds. She could feel his stomach spasm under her arm. One great gag escaped his body. He felt as if he could fly out of her embrace but she pulled up her left knee shielding him from the floor.

What thoughts of embarrassment rolled through his head? She would surely walk away from him now that she had seen him at his weakest point. He flopped his head back on her chest where he could hear her heart. It had quickened slightly.

She kissed his head as she held him. He laced his fingers through hers. God, what would he have done had she not been with him?

His chest burned as he tried to breathe. Each breath seemed to contain a gag as a taunt. Taunts from his mother and brother: thoughts of masturbation, not being a father, failing as a man, not being stronger than this, not being a good Christian, would she be disgusted with him after this and never want to be in his presents again? Before long, tears rolled down his face. Why couldn’t he be more like Chet? A man’s man: strong, confident, not sick all the time.

She felt his tears on her hand. Her voice was calm when she spoke, “Oscar it’s going to be okay.”

He couldn’t reply.

She freed her left hand to caress his face. His fingers were still laced through the fingers on her other hand. He squeezed.

“Take a deep breath and let it out slowly.” She could feel him trying. “It’s okay. Take your time.” She kissed his head again. “It’s okay.”

When Oscar woke up, he was laying in the kitchen floor. Esther had him wrapped up in her arms and legs, holding him the way he had held her. His head hurt, his chest burnt only when he took a deep breath, and his stomach ached. He rolled over to face her, kissing her on the nose as he laid his forehead against hers.

She rubbed his cheek as he pressed into her touch.

“Thank you,” he croaked.

“You’re welcome.”

“Esther, I….” She put her finger gently over his lips.

“You don’t have to say a word.”

Part of him was grateful. But he felt a need to explain what had happened. She had said not a word. Did she mean it? Was she really never going to bring up how weak he was?

Winter Season