Winter Season

Lonely

Oscar tossed and turned in his bed. There was no sleeping. The day that his brother shot Esther kept playing in his mind. They hadn’t said goodnight to each other or gave each other a good night kiss. He couldn’t stand it. His call, it went unanswered. He wouldn’t let the night pass in such a fashion. The knock on her door went unanswered. He found her sitting on the back porch.

“Ess, we can’t end the day like this,” he stood in the yard waiting for her to respond.

“How shall we end it then?” Her voice was flat and dry. Had she been crying?

“May I come up?”

“Sure.”

He moved a chair to where he was facing her, “honey, have you been crying?”

“Can’t fool you.” She snubbed.

“Oh God, my love, do you need money?”

She gave a long sigh, “I’m good for now.”

“Then tell me what you need.”

“We’ve had this conversation.” He lowered his head. “Oscar, I can’t tell you not to be afraid. I can’t tell you that bad things won’t happen to me. All I can do is tell you that I love you, pray for the best and plan for the worst.” She paused, “I miss it. I’m not sure if I miss the job or the people that I worked with.”

Oscar’s voice was but a whisper, “are you lonely?”

“I hate that word.” She hissed.

“Talk to me.”

She held his hand, “and tell you what?”

He knelt on the porch in front of her. “Tell me what I need to do to make you happy. Tell me what I need to do to fulfil you. There’s no gag orders here, what do I have to do to make you talk to me?”

She jumped up out of her chair, “I’m lonely. There I said it. Are you happy?” She turned back around to face him. “I don’t have anyone to talk to while you’re at work. I don’t have anything to do. I set here on my ass all day long. When I first got here, I needed the rest; I was a giant ball of stress. Then after the letter came, again, I needed the rest, the weight of the unknown world had been lifted off my shoulders and I just wanted to rest. Now that’s gone.” She lowered her voice and closed her eyes. “Oscar this has nothing to do with you. I love you. I love being part of your world. But I don’t have a world right now for you to be a part of.”

He got up out of the porch, “I disagree. You live. You have a world.”

“What is it?” She pleaded. “Tell me what my world is.”

“What about being a house wife?”

She laughed, “me? A house wife?”

“You know that look you said I get when I come home to a hot meal?”

“Yes.” She was now leaning up against the banisters.

“It’s not just because of the food.” He paused praying that she wouldn’t think he was crazy. “It’s because you’re here waiting for me. You always have your arms open for me wrapping me up in a warm strong embrace. No matter how horrible my day has been; the sight of your smile, the warmth of your embrace, your smell, it makes everything better.” He rubbed his face with his hands. “I don’t want to lose that. I don’t want to lose you.” He whispered, “I can’t.” He walked over beside her, “I’m not strong enough Esther.”

She placed her hand on his chest over his heart. He let out a long sigh. “So what’s next?” She asked.

“Let me pray about it. Let it sink in. Let’s talk about it more. I’ve got another week.” When she looked at him there were tears in his eyes.

She wiped away his tears, “please don’t cry.”

“Why can’t I be enough?”

“Let me ask you this. If you lost your job tomorrow, could I really fill your life? After having worked the last twenty plus years, can you honestly say that I would be enough?”

He placed his hand over hers, “I would like to think so.”

“I don’t want you to find out. I don’t want you to lose your job after you’ve worked so hard to get it.”

He held her face in his hands, “I love you so much. I just….I can’t.” He held his hand toward her. She accepted it and he led her into the house, to bed and into an embrace he would give her every night that she would allow him. If this is what he had to do to show her that he loved her, he would gladly do it. He just held her.

Esther was standing in front of the stove stretching out her back and shoulders as the last couple seconds ticked away on the timer. Oscar heard her shoulder pop, the one that gave her so much trouble. The timer went off and she sat the hot pot on the counter. He could have stood there the rest of the day and watched her but instead he wrapped his arms around her waist.

“Good morning,” she purred. “I didn’t hear you get up.”

“I know.” He pulled her close, kissing her neck, up around her ears. “I’m so sick of oatmeal.”

“I know. Let’s go to the grocery today and look for new things you can eat.” She enjoyed it when he was behind her. To her, it was a position where he was in control. She ran her fingers through his hair.

He slowly worked his hands up her abdomen as he ran his nose through her hair. He kissed her left shoulder.

She turned facing him. His eyes were closed and his lips were parted. She ran her fingers through his hair again as she drew him toward her. Though she felt she hadn’t perfected her version of THAT KISS, she was still working on it. He started falling catching himself on the counter.

As he pulled away, she rested her hands on his chest, feeling him breathe.

“When we are married, I’m going to show you a new way to eat oatmeal.” She giggled.

“You’ll have to.”

Winter Season