College words
College words. Was this something that was always going to be present in his mind? College words. He was by no means stupid. She just had more book learning than he did. He knew how to do things no book could ever teach a person. She really didn’t know how to react to his manner.
“Sorry.” Was all she could think to say.
“Don’t be,” he sighed, turning toward her. “I will take all the new words I can get.”
“What is bothering you?”
He looked down at the steps. “I don’t know how to put everything that’s rollin’ around in my head into words that will make sense.”
“You’re free to try.” Something strong was bothering him. She could only remember a handful of times she’d ever seen him this way.
“Bradley said something to me at church that has gotten under my skin.”
She grinned, “Under your skin?”
He looked at her directly in the face. Her expression was kind. So none judgmental, urging him to continue. The only trouble was, he didn’t know how.
“Will you tell me what he said?” Her voice was peaceful and calm.
“Welcome back. All he said to me was welcome back and it dawned on me for the first time where I’d been.” He rubbed his fingers through his hair. Sometimes she hated men. Not because they could be mean but because they could have the finest hair, great nails, delicate complexions, and knockout eyelashes. Dillon had all of these. “Do you remember Sheriff Russ?” His question brought her back to the situation at hand.
She smiled, “do I ever. He seemed like the meanest most hateful man in Sunshine Valley. I was so afraid of him. Every time I would see him, I would hold my breath until he was gone.”
“Maybe a year after you left, he got hurt in the line of duty. So much so that he retired. The town searched for six months for a new sheriff. No one would take the job. So, I decided that I would ask. Here I am years later. I didn’t take the job, Evie because I wanted to do good for the people here. My reasons were never so noble. I had no interest in being anyone’s hero.”
“Then why?” She still maintained her compassionate manner. It was killing him.
He lowered his chin to his chest whispering. “I wanted to die. I couldn’t kill myself. I remember somewhere someone told me in general conversation that you couldn’t go to heaven if you took your own life. I couldn’t.” He shuffled his feet, “though my dad tried.”
She felt like someone had hit her in the chest harder than she had ever been hit before, knocking the wind out of her. Her first instinct was to be angry. But after a moment, she spoke God’s words not her own. “We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you.”
“Psalms 33:20 – 22,” he squeaked.
“Dear,” she never stopped looking at him, he could feel her. “I have to ask why?”
He couldn’t tell her what he was feeling. The only response he could give her was a shoulder shrug.
“What was the last thing you did that caused you to feel something? Even if it was bad?”
He almost blurted out, this. After a few minutes of watching Teka he said, “it shocked me that you got upset with me about not getting any letters from me when I went to summer camp. To the point of hating me. I didn’t do it on purpose. Because I was a poor kid camp was paid for. But I needed money to buy extras. There was nothing for extras like phone calls or stamps. I didn’t do it to hurt you. There was no money. Everyone did a job but that was to pay for the camp. Trust me when I say, I tried every way I could to make stamp money. I liked a penny earning enough to buy one stamp.”
Before she could speak, he got up going into the house, stopping at the screen door, “that really was the worst summer of my life.”
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