Where is god?

🛑 Adult content, language, drugs, abuse (multiple forms), please read with discretion. May be a trigger for some readers. Reader discretion advised. 

This story has massive amounts of adult content. So much out of my wheel house, here’s to something different.

Job 16:16 My face is flushed from weeping, and on my eyelids is the shadow of death; (NKJV)

This verse is part of Job’s lamentation in which he describes the depth of his suffering and the physical toll it has taken on him. He is expressing the profound sorrow and despair he feels due to his afflictions and the perceived lack of understanding from his friends. Google AI overview

Where is god?

Goin’ home

I did go home. 

Dad was waiting on me and he was mad as hell. He beat me until I couldn’t move because I embarrassed him with his friends. When he was through beating me, he threw me over the table again. Though he was a scrawny, drugged piece of shit; he was amazingly strong. I couldn’t fight him off. 

Later that night his friends came back and it happened all over again. I waited until they passed out to slip out of the house. But no. One of his buddies caught me. I never want to relive that night. Three grown ass men took turns, all night. 

Sometimes there was more. It depended on what kind of drug dad wanted. 

Because he was afraid I’d run away, he would tie me to the leg of the table. I did try. Someone was always layin’ in wait for me. And the outcome was never pretty. 

One day dad brought women to the house. He called it my birthday present. More and more people showed up. More and more drugs.

When I woke, the floor where I laid was covered in blood and shit. Dad was passed out on the couch. It took all the strength I could muster to get up. That same knife that I used to kill mom, where was it? Callin’ me. And I answered the call. 

I fell back against the wall exhausted from the overexertion. If I stabbed him once, I stabbed him 50 times. There was blood and matter everywhere. Piece of trash! I screamed at him until my throat hurt. Honestly, none of that screaming was for mom. It was all for me. Why did I have to be subjected to such a life? Why? If they weren’t going to love and protect me, why even bother? 

If I was ever found out, I would go to prison for murder. Nuttin’ would happen to him for what he did and what he allowed to happen to me. I smirked, ‘well now that doesn’t matter’.

Beside mom was a fitting place for him. They could abuse each other in death.

I hung out at Maggie’s for a couple days. Slept in the hammock on her carport. We talked and ate. Chico seemed to enjoy havin’ the extra company. 

There was a war inside of me; should I go back to the trailer? 

When I did, the smell knocked me on my ass. A sworm of flies raced out the door. While I had the foresight to burry the body, I didn’t clean up the mess. Not today either. The door swung in the breeze.

I woke to the bottom of my foot bein’ kicked. The figure was a total black silhouette in front of the blinding sun. It was a friggin’ sheriffs deputy. I had to shield my eyes in order to see him?

With a heavy authoritative voice she asked, “where’s your parents?”

“Last I saw mom, she was talkin’ about goin’ to the truck stop.”

Her voice softened a little, “and your dad?”

“Jumped in the back of his buddies truck. I heard fishin’ and lake.”

She pointed her head in the direction of the trailer. “Why aren’t you inside?”

“Skunk.” She curled her nose. “I think a skunk got under the house last night. It smells powerful bad.” 

I studied her face as she studied the house. Would she believe me? 

“You got someplace to be?”

“Yeah.” Maggie’s. I would go to Maggie’s.

“Need a ride?”

“No, thank you. I’ll walk.”

She left. When I stood, watchin’ clouds of dust billow up from her car as she drove away. It was then I realized I had pissed myself. I sank back inside the car frame.