Where is god?

🛑 Adult content, language, drugs, abuse (multiple forms), please read with discretion. May be a trigger for some readers. Reader discretion advised. 

This story has massive amounts of adult content. So much out of my wheel house, here’s to something different.

Even our most beloved Bible figures struggled with God. Look at Moses. Yes, Moses. After Moses had been leading the Israelites for a while, there came a time when he expressed his disappointment/anger toward God because of all the problems that were associated with leading such a group. He even told God, “If you are going to keep treating me like this, please kill me now.” (Numbers 11:10-15)

Bible characters who got mad at God | The Disciple’s Road

There is a saying, “if God brings you to it, he will help you through it.”

Where is god?

Prison

Maggie died when I was 35. She had family but they never spoke. I never knew why. 

After probate, everything had been left to me. I couldn’t. Didn’t know how. After a couple sleepless nights, I went to see the attorney that drew up her will. We set up, The Chico Foundation and turned her property into a rescue for Chihuahua’s. In honor of her beloved Chico. 

I told the police where to find their bones. My parents. The detective in charge showed me pictures of the place. A tree had grown up in the middle of the old car frame. Looked like junkies had set the trailer on fire.  All was left was the metal frame and sheet metal from the roof.

Did you know God lives in prisons? A roughneck preacher covered in tattoos came to the prison once a week. I never felt that still small voice warnin’ me about him. To me, it seemed he picked up where Maggie left off. I got saved. Then baptized. But I struggled. I struggled with regret. I didn’t regret killin’ my parents. 

Questions filled me. Questions the preacher was able to get out of me. There were times we would go out in the yard and just fist fight until I couldn’t fight anymore. 

He wanted me to get mad at Maggie. I couldn’t. Didn’t want to. There was so much Maggie couldn’t do. Hands tied by useless laws and lazy people.

But my parents; I was plenty mad at them.

Maggie. I thought about the story she told me of the rocker. ‘Do we let bad things define us’? I had. I let my parents define me as a murderer. My life was useless and worthless. 

“Has it really been?” Preacher asked. I was stunned. He pulled out the video of Chico’s Place. The room filled with the happy sounds of barking dogs and laughing children. 

“That was Maggie.” Tears rolled down my cheeks. 

“You could have sold everything she left you and ran. You had gotten away with double murder for years. But you didn’t run.” 

I sniffed, “so where is he?”

The preacher smiled. Showing off a gold tooth. I had never noticed that before. “God is everywhere. He’s in the plants and sunlight. He’s in the soil and air. You got baptized, you welcomed him into your heart. He’s in you.”