Down the rabbit hole

I stand on the edge.

Knowing.

Seeing,

down the rabbit hole.

~

My emotions.

My life.

My current state of being,

looking down the rabbit hole.

~

I know it’s dark.

I know it’s dangerous.

Damaging to my body and mind,

inside the rabbit hole.

~

The darkness is deceiving.

The darkness is inviting.

A state of nothingness welcoming,

inside the rabbit hole.

~

Life is pain.

Life is torment.

Life is a stressful ugly mess.

Clarity beckons from inside the rabbit hole.

~

All I have to do is fall.

All I have to do is let go.

Falling is simple,

it’s just a rabbit hole.

~

My resolve is weak.

My emotions strong.

My desire for change magnified – amplified,

welcome to the rabbit hole.

~

All arrows point down.

Flashing, strobing, lights of excitement.

Let’s go deeper than we’ve gone before,

down the rabbit hole.

~

At first, freedom.

Sensation.

Magnificent,

inside the rabbit hole.

~

Falling into freedom.

Coolness calming.

Darkness welcoming,

inside the rabbit hole.

~

Suddenly,

stinging,

grabbing, like the tentacles of a jellyfish.

Pain inside the rabbit hole.

~

Each tentacle has a name.

Each sting familiar.

Things I never wanted to feel;

come to life inside the rabbit hole.

~

Deeper,

darker,

more and more jellyfish trying to hold me;

inside the rabbit hole.

~

My skin is on fire.

The sheer force of the fall,

greater than I could have ever imagined;

down deeper into the rabbit hole.

~

No light.

No sound.

Only falling,

deeper into the rabbit hole.

~

My brain is mush.

Inside a collapsing orb.

A pressure like I’ve never felt,

squeezing inside the rabbit hole.

~

Is there a bottom?

Will I fall into darkness forever?

Is there any light in my future?

End rabbit hole.

~

I’m exhausted from falling.

Much more so than from living.

No light. No sound. Only pain,

inside the rabbit hole.

~

Alone in the darkness with my thoughts.

Alone in the silence.

My mind screaming,

from inside the rabbit hole.

~

My body, a tangled mess.

My mind, scrambled.

My senses, haywire.

Damage from the rabbit hole.

~

Can’t land.

Can’t breathe.

Can’t see,

inside the rabbit hole.

~

Pray!

One prayer.

Let me hit bottom,

no more rabbit hole.