Winter Season

Talk in the snow

“I think she expects more from you than she does your brother. You have the education. The good job. A polish, that if he has he doesn’t show. And I’m assuming he’s not a Christian.”

“Then why beat me up?”

“Because as she sees it, you’re not doing what she expects you to do. Or what she thinks God would expect you to do.”

He stopped. There was woods and snow all around them. There was a secret prayer in her that he knew where they were going. He held both her hands, “I can’t do it anymore Esther. I went to the doctor yesterday. I have an ulcer the size of a grapefruit.” He closed his eyes and shook his head slowly, whispering, “I have to eat a bland diet. I can’t do it anymore.”

“Will you let me read the instructions?”

“How come?” He wanted to kiss her.

“So that when I cook for you, I won’t kill you.” He did kiss her. Not THAT KISS that drove her wild. But it was a kiss from his hot mouth to her cold lips. Lips that were no longer cold. “Tell me about your relationship with your dad?”

He took a deep breath, as they started walking again. “Up until I went to college, I was a work horse. We worked like dogs. Mom and I both. That stopped for mom when my brother came along. Then it was just me. ‘You eat, you work’, dad always said. But mom shielded my brother and he didn’t have to work at all. I prayed for school and rain. Both meant that I didn’t have to work. That was one of the main reasons I went to college, to get away from the work. When he got sick, everything changed. I don’t know if it was because he was sick that he saw me in a whole new light or if it was something greater than the sickness.”

They had stopped walking; when Esther looked up, she saw an amazing landscape before them. The woods had given way to a lake. The woods wrapped around it like a set of giant arms. It could have been a postcard from Colorado but it wasn’t.  

“This is breath taking.”

“This is the lake.”

“Where you almost drown?”

He showed her over to a man make bench, brushed off the snow and they sat down. “Karen, my aunt, showed me this place. She told me that it was dad’s favorite place growing up. He never brought me here.” He put his arm around Esther. She leaned into his embrace. “When he came to live with us, one evening I brought him here with a picnic. It was the only time in my life that he ever told me that he was proud of me. After that, we spent many days here, fishing mostly.”

“Did your dad ever talk to you about stuff?”

“Sometimes, but mostly dad and I would just sit.”

“Is that why when something is upsetting you, you retreat to the porch?”

He smiled, “very astute.”

“Why did your dad come to live with you when your mother was younger than him and fully, I’m assumin’, able to take care of him?”

“He asked us. At this point his sister was still alive but my uncle was gone. It was closer to town than the home place.” Oscar stopped, his voice cracked when he spoke again. “I believed that for a long time. One Saturday dad and I came here. He whispered to me like there were a million people around us. ‘Don’t leave me alone with your mother?’ I said dad, why? ‘I don’t want her to hurt me anymore.’” He held Esther even tighter. “Oh God, can you imagine how I felt? I couldn’t believe that my mother was being mean to a frail little old man.”

“I can’t imagine your dad being little.”

“He had shrunk a few inches in is golden years. He was 6’0” when he died. But to me seeing him when I was a child towering over me, then again when he died, he was a little old man.”

“I can understand that. How had your mother hurt him?”

“Several months after his death, I got curious. So, I asked Chet to do a little diggin’ for me. I figured I wouldn’t be able to get anywhere. He found out for me that dad was the one who had her put in the hospital the first time. When Chet gave me the paper work, he told me that dad had sworn him to secrecy. Dad showed him his arm and it was blue from his elbow to his wrist. Mom did that to him.”

Esther wanted to cry now. There was never a call to be mean to a senior citizen.

“Mom cursed me to where a fly wouldn’t land on me. She just knew I was the one who had her put in the hospital. I tried to get dad to come and stay with us then. But he wouldn’t leave the house unattended. So I went to the store and made sure he had food he knew how to fix and would eat.”

Esther took her scarf off and wrapped it around his naked hand.

“Honey, what are you doing?”

“Your hand has to be cold. I’m just protecting it.” She smiled.

With his other hand, he raised her chin so that he could look into her eyes. No one had ever showed him genuine concern before. Except Chet, this was different. He kissed her. As he did, he guided his hand around the back of her neck. It was amazingly warm.

“Tell me about your brother.”

“I don’t know him. I left when he was eight. When I first came back, I tried to reach out to him. But I failed. I just didn’t know how. We are so different.”

“Did you ever talk to your mom about that?”

“I tried. All she would say was, ‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I was so young when I had you.’ So I stopped her and told her that for the most part, I’m happy with me. I just wanted to know why there was such a different style of raising children. Why he was the chosen one and I was the dog? ‘I was so young.’ She said. I never brought it up again.”

“Did your dad pass away 10 years ago?”

“No.” He took a deep breath. “Dad’s been gone,” he thought for a moment, “21 years. I hadn’t realized that till just now. Larry’s 6. I guess the crap just hit the fan then.”

Her heart broke for him.

He sat there for a long time. Though the sun hadn’t shined this day, the sky was getting grayer. “I think it’s going to snow again.” Esther reported.

He finally looked up. “I believe you might be right.” He looked at her, caressing her face. God how he thought she was beautiful. This woman had sat here in the cold and snow; listening to him pour out his heart about his family. It was possible he loved her? He had told Chet he thought he might. He knew it was possible. And yes, he did. He was in love.

Winter Season