Winter Season

Last night

The urge to pee forced him to get out of bed. His entire body ached. Where was she? She wasn’t in the bed with him. After he painfully went to the bathroom, he went back to the bedroom, there she sat in the bed.

“How are you feeling?” She smiled at him.

“What happened last night?” He sat down beside her.

“I’m not really sure. But I think you might have had a panic attack while I was consuming with your feet.”

“Tell me.” He looked at her. His expression was confused.

“For a while, I know you were enjoying yourself. But I could feel the change in your body. So I stopped. You began to breathe like a marathon runner so I held you. I tried talking to you.”

“Did you kiss the top of my head?”

She smiled, “yes.”

“I’m so embarrassed.”

She put her hand over his. “Please don’t be. Maybe I tried to do too much and your body just didn’t know how to react? I remember you really were enjoying yourself.” She blushed, “sorry. Was I too aggressive?”

“Heavens no,” he sighed. “At some point, it felt like I was in a whirl. I couldn’t focus on anything. Not the pleasure. I knew you were talking but I had no idea what you were saying. I even felt you put your arms around me.” He sat there almost in shock.

“Is that what your panic attacks usually feel like?”

“Yeah,” he moved to face her. “I don’t want this to stop us from trying to do that again.”

She caressed his face, “okay. May I ask what a panic attack feels like?”

He looked stunned for a moment. “What is the worst situation you’ve ever been in?” She just kinda looked at him. “No, what is the most out of control situation you’ve ever been in?”

She drew her mouth to one side as she thought about his question. The things she couldn’t talk about was pretty scary but not out of control.

He raised an eyebrow. “Really, you’ve never had anything happen that was out of control?”

“I work really hard not to lose control. I’ve never been drunk for that reason. I’ve been scared as hell.”

“Okay, take that situation where you were scared; put yourself in the dark and spinning. And add a few strobe lights for effect.”

She stared into nothingness as she tried to put herself in the situation that he described. “Hmmm, no.”

He shrugged his shoulders, “that’s the best I can do.”

“No, I mean no. I can’t imagine the scariest situation I’ve ever been then being in the dark, with strobe lights and spinning. It would be horrifying. Being scared usually means you are jacked on adrenaline. Your nerves are on full alert. No. That’s horrible.”

He raised an eyebrow. “I try so hard to focus on something. Anything. Last night, I tried to focus on the sound of your voice. I knew you were talking to me but I had no idea what you were saying. But it didn’t work. I just kept spinning out of control.”

“What usually sets them off?”

“Everything, anything.”

“What can I do?”

He smiled, more to himself than to her. “Don’t let me hurt you or myself.”

“I can do that.”

Winter Season