The face of loneliness

Yesterday my chapter of Winter Season was one of my main characters being lonely. Loneliness has been called an epidemic.

The other day, while shopping the coffee aisle, scanning for a bargain, this flustered woman says, ‘“I can’t find the Coffeemate”.

So I helped her look. They had little containers but not the big one that was on sale. We chatted for a moment before parting company. The person I was shopping with found more creamer. After getting the ladies attention, I took her a big Coffeeemate. She talked and talked and talked. Is this what lonely looks like?

We get pictures from society of old men sitting on a park bench feeding pigeons. Of an old woman sitting in a rocker watching it rain. Is this what lonely looks like?

In our conversation, the Coffeemate lady shared that her child had just gone off to college, who normally did the shopping. And that she wore her prescription sunglasses into the store instead of her normal glasses. Not wanting to look like she was stoned, she was trying to shop without proper eyewear.

In scary movies, we get the image of the widow living in the run down house, with 10 cats, that all the neighborhood children are afraid of. Is this what lonely looks like?

WHO has stated the effects of loneliness is the same as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. You would think that with social media that the number of lonely people would be declining but you’d be wrong.

What does loneliness look like? How about the clerk at Wal-Mart that can’t make eye contact with you? Afraid she can’t hold back the tears. The dad, married, with 2 children. You think, ‘this fool shouldn’t be lonely. He has what I want. Loving family. Good job. What does he have to be lonely about’? Or the billionaire sitting on top of the world.

There is such a stigma associated with loneliness or being lonely that many find it difficult to talk about. Like the example above; good job, food on the table, car to drive, people in your life that love you, what do you have to be lonely about?

I’ve heard it said, ‘this is a problem you can fix’. How hard is it to (fix) loneliness? Talk to a stranger, make a new friend. Many people would rather curl up in a ball and die before they would talk to a stranger. Remember that phrase we learnt as children, ‘stranger danger’. I’ve heard it said, ‘fill your life with God’. No issue with that. Does it really fix loneliness?

When we share our thoughts, feelings, or vulnerabilities , too often they are weaponized. Making many afraid to explore. The devil you know is easier to live with than the devil you don’t know.

I will ask the question this way, how do you fix loneliness?

WHO declares loneliness a ‘global public health concern’ | Global development | The Guardian

Winter Season