A shoe story

Recently I went shopping for a new pair of tenna shoes. The shoes I was wearing were coming unglued around the soles. Then there was the added discomfort of; they just hurt. I bought them in December from a really good store. Or so I thought. One, they shouldn’t have been coming apart. And two, they really shouldn’t have been hurting. We have a saying that ‘nothin’ hurts worse than a tooth ache’. Painful feet runs a close second. Might even be a photo finish in the pain derby.

Shoes have to be just so. I’m pickier than a buzzard eatin’ road kill. I’m brand picky. I’m color picky. I’m size picky. I’m style picky. Told you I’m picky. In a perfect world all my tenna shoes would be white. Sad for me, it’s not a perfect world. Now days buying shoes is like sprinting through a highlighter factory.

The process begins; in the rows of shoes, I found 2 pairs that I really liked. One pair was my beloved white.

Finding a place to sit in order not to park it in the floor to try on these shoes was like findin’ a needle in a hay stack. Stores want us to spend money with them. In my case, buy new shoes. But where was the shoe trier on’er bench? I could have set in the floor to try on my shoe finds. Gettin’ out of the floor, that’s a whole new challenge.

Finally, I find the bench. It’s next to the two telephone booth size dressing rooms.

In all, I tried on four pairs of shoes. Too big? I know what you’re thinking. Yes, I know what size shoes I wear. But this pair of 8 1/2’s had to be a 10. Too hard. My feet were already hurting. I didn’t need to be wearing a brick. Too small. Again, the sticker said 8 1/2. Just … AWH NO!

Defeated, I finished my shopping. A quick stroll through the men’s section. It was like finding the last cookie in the pack. When you haven’t eaten a cookie in a week cause you thought you ate them all but were too lazy to throw the pack away. There, danglin’ over a rack was a pair of shoes. They weren’t white. But I could wear those. Noooooo! They are a 7.

No price tag. The only thing left of the security tag was the end that looks like a thumb tack. How in the name of creation did someone remove the security tag? I’m sure there’s a YouTube video for that. Then, I try to figure out the logistics of stealing a pair of shoes. How? Was the thief just going to put them on and walk out? That’s bold. Stuff them down their pants? That makes a hotdog down the front of your pants so last season. Have an oversized purse? Put them down their shirt? Instant fat roll. I’m so confused.

But, they fit! I got new shoes. And yes, I paid for them.