Where is god?

🛑 Adult content, language, drugs, abuse (multiple forms), please read with discretion. May be a trigger for some readers. Reader discretion advised. 

This story has massive amounts of adult content. So much out of my wheel house, here’s to something different.

Read the book of Job. I don’t think anyone in the Bible suffered as much as Job. But he never blamed God for his troubles. He stayed faithful. 

Where is god?

God conversion

Maggie was true to her word. She taught me how to sleep in a bed. Not just on top of it. The difference in linens. How to cook. Even how to use a microwave. The washer and dryer. I learned how to mow and sew. Use a saw. Weedeater. I cleaned gutters. We built a fence and a deck. And she taught me how to drive. The right way.

We had lots and lots of conversations about God. She told me about her struggles with Christianity. Her fights with God. 

“Have you ever been married, I asked once?

“No.”

“Did god not make you a partner?”

She smiled, “I believe the helpless romantics made that up to fill an empty hole. There are lots of examples in the Bible of people who used their singleness to glorify God. Society (capitalism) wants us to have a partner it’s more profitable in the long run. Even if it ends in divorce, someone is makin’ money. What about you?”

“One of the podcasts you listened to was a lady. She was talking about how we learn to have relationships from our parents. I’ve thought about that a lot. I never want to treat anyone the way my parents treated each other.” Maggie winked at me as if she understood what I meant. 

As time passed, I became less angry. 

She became my rock. Nights I would wake screaming, remembering; she would make hot chocolate with marshmallows. Only on those nights did she break out the marshmallows. At first I thought it was weird. Now I understand she was trying to lesson my pain. 

One conversation we had got heated. I asked her why her God allowed bad things to happen. She smiled a wicked grin, “he’s not just my God. He’s everyones God. Some people choose not to believe in him.”

“Bull,” I stopped short of using ‘abusive language’. “Right.” I huffed.

“God gave us free will. We can choose to walk his path or ours. He’s not going to force us to follow him. If you do choose his path, he gives us correction. Direction. Course corrections, if you will.”

“He’s a dick!” I screamed.

“How so?” She never raised her voice. Didn’t get angry. She really wanted to know what I thought.

I knew she knew something bad happened to me. We had never talked about it. I couldn’t. Deep down, I knew she knew that too. 

“God made a perfect world for us. Sin destroyed that world. Our world. We are born into a world of sin. Those who choose to walk God’s path fights sin every day and are instructed to wear the armor of God. Bad things happen so that we will blame God. Where is he? Why did he allow this to happen? Why didn’t he stop this? God didn’t do this. We did it to ourselves. We allowed sin into our world.”

“A baby didn’t.” I retorted out of frustration. 

“None of us did. Sin was here when we were born. Sin is  older than humanity.”

“Where is sin come from?”

She rocked for a moment, “Satan was an angel. He fell because of pride. He desired to be God, not to be a servant of God.”

“Couldn’t God just make us another home without sin ?”

“He did. The Garden of Eden but Satan appeared there and brought the fall of man. Jesus died on the cross to defeat sin. But we have to accept Jesus. We can choose to or not to?”

“Sin isn’t fair.”

“Yeah, it kinda is. It preys on us equally. We have to rely on God’s love. God is perfect love and the only way to defeat sin.”