Where is god?

🛑 Adult content, language, drugs, abuse (multiple forms), please read with discretion. May be a trigger for some readers. Reader discretion advised. 

This story has massive amounts of adult content. So much out of my wheel house, here’s to something different.

Judges 19

I have written a past post about Judges 19. Judges 19 – Poetry & More I have great struggles with this story. Why did this happen? I don’t know. It is hard to process. 

Where is god?

God conversion continued

“LOVE!” I shouted.

“Humans have taken the Bible, God’s word. God’s love letter to his children and with the help of sin; have manipulated it. Abused it. Used it. And have turned it into an ugly thing.”

“What about me?” I pounded my chest, fighting back the tears. She simply pointed at the little house I was staying in. My anger was instantly replaced with confusion. 

She smiled. “Where do you think that came from?”

“You.” The tone of voice I used was to let her know I thought she was an idiot for askin’. 

“God gave me the knowledge to use my income wisely. To prepare for the future. To be ready when he called me to be. He provided us both with roofs over our heads. Food to eat. Clothin’ to wear. The ability to learn. And to share.”

I started pacin’ on the carport; “he’s a dead beat! He placed us here and left us!” Big tears rolled down my face, “WHY?”

“If you walk down the road and ask 10 people why; you will get 20 different answers.” She set the rocker in motion with her feet. “My grandpa built this rocker. A storm blew down a mighty tree. One he could never have cut down himself. His wife was pregnant with their first child. He wanted to give her a special gift. One that would be as special to her as she was to him. He decided (after a trip to town) a rocker was what she needed. For her and the baby. He wasn’t a carpenter. But building a rocker was important to him. It took all the wood from that tree for the rocker.”

“Why?” I blurted out. “That’s like using a single tree to make a toothpick. 

She smiled, “he wasn’t a carpenter. He didn’t know how. He would make a piece. It wouldn’t work; he would make another piece. He finished the rocker 2 months after the baby was born. For the tree, falling during a storm was one of the worst things that could happen. It was no longer able to live and grow. For my grandpa, the idea of that rocker was so far out of reach. It might as well have been a new car. Imagine wanting something so bad, that you taught yourself how to make it.” She got up. “Over the years, it’s been sanded and repainted. Me and you, we are this rocker. Ever nick. Ever scratch tells a story about the life we have lived. God sands down. Teaches us. Molds us. And when we are ready, uses us to further his kingdom.”

I sat on the carport as she sat in the rocker. “That makes no sense to me.”

“I never wanted a dog. Even thought I was allergic to dogs. When Chico was going to be homeless, I couldn’t let him go to the pound. That decision to bring Chico into my life; that wasn’t me. That was God. He had a plan for both of us. Through Chico, God has soften my heart. Sandpaper. Made it bigger. Sandpaper. Taught me how to care for something other than myself. Sandpaper. Do I love him, yes? Does he grate my last nerve, yes? He tries my patiences and when he’s gone, I will grieve. That will hurt. But I can’t imagine not having made that decision to keep him. It has been expensive. Pure breed dogs can have all manner of health issues. Chico taught me to love. Sandpaper. 

“At one point in life, I lost my job. I worked at everything I could do to keep money coming in. Sandpaper. When I got back in the work force, I scrubbed toilets. But, I did the best job at scrubbing toilets that I knew how. Sandpaper. The manager appreciated my hard work and offered me a better job. That taught me that I needed to be wise with my money. Sandpaper.”

I let out a long sigh, “so you choose to give God the credit for all the good. And sin all the bad?”

“I choose.”

“Why?”

“This life is too hard. Bad things happen to us every day. Do we let the bad thing define us? Or do we let God sand us? Can we learn from that bad thing? Can we use that lesson to help others? God allowed Satan to let all manner of bad things happen to Job in the Bible. Satan bet against Job. That he would crumble under the weight of despair. God said, ‘no he won’t. Do your worst. He will remain faithful’. Job lost everything. Even his wife encouraged him to curse God and die. But he didn’t. He stayed faithful. In the end, God blessed Job beyond his wildest dreams. Some people call me weak, uneducated, self righteous. The names are endless. But the names people choose to call me are water off a ducks back.” She smiled.

When I asked, she would read the Bible to me. We started out with Bible stories for children. Then; as my curiosity grew, she started more in-depth lessons. She also gave me a warning, ‘be careful of false teachers. The world is full of them’. ‘How do you know’? I asked. Her voice rings in my head every time I hear a new preacher, ‘false teachers are all smoke and mirrors. They say one thing but do the exact opposite. Pretenders and showman. Listen to that still small voice. It will guide you’.