A cautionary tale with a modern twist?
Written by:
Jolene Rice
Michael Raven
“The treatment is not inexpensive. It requires a tincture made of some of the finest ingredients I can procure to ensure that the potion is effective and safe. While I am open to barter and volume purchasing deals, this potion is already priced competitively and I am afraid the price is firm.” Peggy reported.
Judy hesitated, unsure if she had considered just how expensive these alternative treatments might get.
“Umm… Just how expensive are we talking?”
Judy visibly blanched at the price Peggy mentioned. She thought about the paltry one-hundred dollars in twenties she had in her front jeans pocket. If she scrounged around in her purse, she might come up with a few dollars more in loose change. It was not even close to the sum Peggy had just given her.
“Oh,” she said simply.
“I can see that you weren’t expecting this treatment to cost so much, deary,” Peggy said with more sympathy in her voice than in her face. “And I wish I could cut you a deal, just this one time but I’m afraid that is simply impossible. Perhaps I could interest you in a simple love charm instead. They are more decorative than functional but they occasionally work quite satisfactory under the proper circumstances, such as a company Christmas party. Love charms can be fickle, however, and it often takes some planning on your part to maximize your chances of success.”
“Oh,” repeated Judy, as she stood up. “I guess… well… that the treatment is out of my reach at this time. I might have to see if I can find another solution to my problem.”
Peggy sat back in her chair and looked down her nose at Judy.
“By ‘another solution’, you aren’t thinking about visiting my local competition, Granny Griswald’s Little Magic Shack by any chance, are you?”
In fact, the fleeting thought had passed through Judy’s mind as she became fully erect. Judy’s expression said everything.
“Oh, don’t go to her. She’s an absolute hack. Half of her positive online reviews are bought reviews. If you only knew the lengths she goes to in order to improve her ratings! ‘For a five star review, I’ll send you a forty-percent discount on your next purchase! [Limited to stock on hand and subject to exclusions.]’. Ugh. I hate it when people use tactics such as that to cover up incompetence.”
Before Judy could even move, Peggy rounded around her and wrapped an arm around her waist to draw her closer and guide Judy to those wooden counters with the balances and sundries, stone mortars and pestles.
“I could not in good faith allow you to purchase anything from Griswald’s Crap Shack. No no, absolutely not. And, while I cannot afford to sell you the treatment at a loss to keep you from making such a terrible decision, I might have something that will do the trick.”
“You think?”
“I do! While I cannot sell you the excelsior level of the treatment at anything lower than the asking price, I can sell you what my recently departed apprentice brewed up before she ran off with that California-transplanted tart from Montana to live on mountaintops in Kentucky.”
“As she was my apprentice, the product is inferior in quality and carries some risk of unintended side effects, but it uses the same high quality ingredients for the base formulation and the risks are usually minimal. Acid reflux for a few weeks, pimple outbreaks on your shoulders — that kind of thing.”
Judy did not think those sounded like very terrible side effects. They did seem relatively mild.
“How much,” Judy swallowed to build up her courage, “would that cost me?”
Peggy smiled. It reminded Judy of a crocodile she had seen when she visited a college friend down in Florida a decade ago.
“I’ll tell you what I’m going to do for you. I can see that you’re desperate, especially if you are even thinking of visiting Granny. Because you’re a real trooper by helping me offload my former apprentice’s efforts, I’ll sell you one treatment for the cost of materials alone and the condition that you don’t tell anyone about this little arrangement between us, nor disclose any of the side-effects that you might experience. Agreed? Peggy pulled out a glass vial from under the counter and placed it in front of Judy.
“How much?” Judy asked.
“I am willing to let it go for a mere fifty dollars. Cash. No returns and no regrets. What do you say?”
That price would not only allow Judy to buy her Diet Coke between now and payday, but allow her to treat herself to some take-away for dinner that night from China Star, just down the street from her apartment.
“I’ll take it,” Judy breathed. “I’m tired of being a nobody.”
“Sold!” said Peggy and held her hand out for the cash, hand wrapped around the vial as Judy dug into her purse.
Part six
