Why I Write

You write.

You share.

But you’re not making any money.

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You write.

You share.

It helps heal old wounds.

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You write.

You share.

It cleanses the soul.

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You write.

You share.

Someone likes your work?

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You write.

You share.

It lightens your heart.

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You write.

You share.

Can someone else relate?

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You write.

You share.

Get it out.

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Celebrate.

I write.

I share.

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Today, I’m lighter than I was yesterday.

I write.

I share.

“Comparing yourself to others is the biggest killer of happiness.” Alux.com

How about a state?

What cities do you want to visit?

Growing up I developed a love of Marty Robins. He could tell a story through song like few people could. One of his songs ‘El Paso’; had me dreaming about someday visiting.

I would love to go to Texas. Land of horses, cowboys and now rockets. What more could you ask for?

All I have managed to see of Texas at this point in my life is the Dallas airport. 30 minutes to get from point A to point B was very intimidating for this small town country girl.

If I get to go to Texas; and if I get to see a rocket launch, think I’d be able to ……

Ready! Set! Fall!

Winter Season

Encounter with mom:

Esther woke to realize that she had fallen asleep on his couch. She thought in his arms but he wasn’t with her. She immediately became alert when she heard him heave. He was on the kitchen floor on his hands and knees. She was reminded of a cat trying to dislodge a hairball.

He thought he was trying to brush her away. But as she wrapped her warm arms around him, he welcomed her touch. So soft. He thought. She put her right hand over his racing heart and her left arm around his waist pulling him up to where his head was laying on her shoulder. The beating of her heart was calm and strong.

His concealed moans and gags became sputtering sounds. She could feel his stomach spasm under her arm. One great gag escaped his body. He felt as if he could fly out of her embrace but she pulled up her left knee shielding him from the floor.

What thoughts of embarrassment rolled through his head? She would surely walk away from him now that she had seen him at his weakest point. He flopped his head back on her chest where he could hear her heart. It had quickened slightly.

She kissed his head as she held him. He laced his fingers through hers. God, what would he have done had she not been with him?

His chest burned as he tried to breathe. Each breath seemed to contain a gag as a taunt. Taunts from his mother and brother: thoughts of masturbation, not being a father, failing as a man, not being stronger than this, not being a good Christian, would she be disgusted with him after this and never want to be in his presents again? Before long, tears rolled down his face. Why couldn’t he be more like Chet? A man’s man: strong, confident, not sick all the time.

She felt his tears on her hand. Her voice was calm when she spoke, “Oscar it’s going to be okay.”

He couldn’t reply.

She freed her left hand to caress his face. His fingers were still laced through the fingers on her other hand. He squeezed.

“Take a deep breath and let it out slowly.” She could feel him trying. “It’s okay. Take your time.” She kissed his head again. “It’s okay.”

When Oscar woke up, he was laying in the kitchen floor. Esther had him wrapped up in her arms and legs, holding him the way he had held her. His head hurt, his chest burnt only when he took a deep breath, and his stomach ached. He rolled over to face her, kissing her on the nose as he laid his forehead against hers.

She rubbed his cheek as he pressed into her touch.

“Thank you,” he croaked.

“You’re welcome.”

“Esther, I….” She put her finger gently over his lips.

“You don’t have to say a word.”

Part of him was grateful. But he felt a need to explain what had happened. She had said not a word. Did she mean it? Was she really never going to bring up how weak he was?

Winter Season

Winter Season

That kiss

It was almost midnight before they stopped and took a shower, Oscar laid on the couch. He opened his arms for her. She smiled at him, “no.”

It broke his heart. ‘No’. But she was smiling, he told himself.

“Lay on the other side.” He did as she had asked and changed his position on the couch. Then she slid into him. “That’s better. I can hear your heart beat stronger from this side.” She snuggled in closer.

“Would you like to go to church with me Sunday? The preacher hasn’t called it off yet”

“I don’t think I ever asked; where do you go?”

“Corner Baptist.”

That warmth he felt when she was around grew stronger. His mother only sucked it away for a little while. Could it be that Esther was stronger than his mother? That the feelings he was developing for her could heal him? No, she couldn’t heal him. That was too much to lay at someone’s door. She could help him but it was up to him to heal himself.

“Please don’t be mad at Chet.”

“I’m never mad at him for very long.”

“Or me.”

“Why would I be mad at you?”

“That exchange with your mother.”

“Sweetheart, no way.”

She smiled to herself, he called her sweetheart.

He thought he concealed a moan as the tugging in his groin got stronger and he shifted under her. He felt her raise up slightly. When he opened his eyes, she was staring at him. With his free hand, he stroked her face, “what?”

She placed a soft delicate kiss on his lips. His whole body was a live wire of erotic nerves. She put her hand at the back of his head and guided it toward her, only stopping when they were nose to nose. He freed his other hand and slowly directed it up her back under her shirt. He stopped just short of where she needed him too. She drew her breath through her teeth. Oscar reached up to kiss her. He tried to pour all of the emotions he felt into a single kiss.

The kiss was breath taking. Esther felt his desperate passion, his need, his hunger, the pounding of his heart against her lips. He explored the depths of his desire with a kiss. She allowed him at first, and then answered with her own desires. She came up for air panting, “another kiss like that and I could become the whore of Babylon.” She placed one hand on either side of his head and stared at his parted lips. She met him with another soft kiss. He took his hands down her back to the ample cheeks of her butt and pushed her into his body. She could feel one measure of a man.

He squeezed her butt several times before pushing her into him harder still. “We both need a cold shower.” She hissed.

“No,” he whispered. “Let’s just lay here.” He kissed her again, that same desperate passionate need. She was about to fly apart.

“O,” she whimpered.

“Yes.”

She cuddled into her favorite spot, in the bend of his arm, with her head on his chest, listening to his racing heartbeat.

Their cuddle session was interrupted by his phone. When he hung up, he held Esther closer, “no church Sunday.”

“I was getting ready to ask, ‘who calls at one o’clock in the morning?”

“Our preacher has interesting habits.”

Winter Season

Winter Season

PSB

Please be advised ADULT LANGUAGE!

“Folks, I’ve gotta go. Esther, that was amazing. Keep up the good work. Paranoid Schizophrenic bitch.” Chet let himself out.

Oscar disappeared.

She waited a little while before she went to find him. He was in what appeared to be a den. There was a single yellow light coming from a lamp in the corner. This is where all the clutter was and a t.v. The walls were lined with books, c.d.’s, dvd’s, records, he was sitting on a love seat slumped over with his head in his hands.

“Oscar,” she whispered as she knelt in front of him, “are you okay?”

“I can’t do this anymore.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “I can’t do this.”

“Do what?”

He looked directly into Esther’s eyes. He was almost to the point of crying, his eyes were glassy and bloodshot. “Why, why does she do this to me? Why?”

“To embarrass you and manipulate you into getting what she wants. The harder you pull against her wishes the harder she pushes. She knows that you are a Christian and she’s using religion against you. As it were.”

“I can’t take it. I can’t do it.” He held out his hands and they were shaking.

She held his hands in hers. “Tell me what you are most upset about?”

“All that talk about masturbation. It would humiliate anyone. Tell me one man that hasn’t done that.”

“I can’t.”

“Why did she have to bring that up in front of you?”

“She’s trying to run me off.”

“And why did Chet have to say ‘Paranoid Schizophrenic bitch’. That makes it real. That makes me feel like my dirty laundry is hanging out there for you to see.” He flailed his hands around in the air. “Lookie here, my mom is paranoid schizophrenic that means Oscar is crazy too.”

“Honey, look at me.” He did as she asked. “My dad committed suicide. That doesn’t make me crazy. Just because our parents have mental health issues, that doesn’t mean that we have them.”

“Do you know how many nights I have worried that one morning I’m going to wake up and be crazy too?”

“On a different level, yes.” And if I may add, “being sick doesn’t give someone the right to be mean. Too many people feel like being ill gives them a license to be overly aggressive and odious.”

She couldn’t tell if what she said had any effect. He seemed so lost.

Finally – he huffed, “let’s go back over and work, maybe it will help take my mind off this.”

“As you wish.”

Winter Season

I really am the king

Tell us about your first day at something — school, work, as a parent, etc.

My new mom and I had a rocky start. But 8 years later, we are rock solid. I tried to run away. Did run away for 2 days. Gave mom quiet the scare. I jumped in the bed. Used the bathroom in the house. Once I figured out this was my new home, it’s all been good.