Chapter 35

Part 2

“I’m a warrior. I don’t know how to be a queen.”

“I don’t know how to be a husband. Sarah and I were only married a year before she died. Nine months of that year she was child.” He paused. “That was the worst nine months of my life. What kind of husband actively avoids his pregnant wife?” Should he smile? Could he smile at that comment? “I don’t know the why of it. I couldn’t do anything right. Anytime I was in her presents, she was yelling at me. I think the sight of me filled her with anger. I never saw her that she wasn’t upset.” He paused. “I completely stopped being around her after one night she threw a marble soap dish at me. She threw it with all her strength. It should have killed me.”

“Broke my hand.”

Kol was dumbfounded. “That was you?”

“That was me.”

“Kessa,” he kissed the top of her hands.

She thought he was going to say something else but didn’t.

“As always with God in charge, yes. I will be your queen.” He helped her lay back on the bed.

“This time it will be more than a ring of grass.”

She was shocked, “you remembered?” He just smiled. How could he admit God had to remind him? “What does your mother say about all of this?” 

“We don’t talk. Rajaf is over the moon.” He lay down beside her.

She grinned, “what exactly did he say?”

“Bout time.”

Kessa laughed. “That sounds about right.”

“I should have asked you a long time ago.”

“Neither of us were ready. God knew that.”

“You once suggested that I held some animosity toward you. I did. But not for the reasons you gave.” He closed his eyes as she ran her fingers through his hair. “I have always felt more empowered in your presents. I will admit that at times you scare me.”

“Of all the people in this world, you have no need to be afraid of me.”

“Not fear in the sense that you would hurt me. Whatever is happening, you have the ability to redirect things. Remember the two women fighting over the baby?”

“Yes.”

“Before you walked into the room, my head was raging. Those two women were screaming. The baby was screaming. The entire scene seemed out of control. When you walked into the room, all eyes were focused on you. Especially mine.”

“So why animosity?”

“It was easier to be distant, even upset with you than to admit that,” she trailed her finger down his face, across his cheek, and around his ear. “I love you.”

“Now that is a phrase a girl could get used to hearing.” She smiled. “Do you remember getting kicked by that horse?”

“Some but not all.”

“You were out of it for most of that. And for this I am grateful.”

“You wouldn’t speak to me for a very long time after we got home.”

“That event started Max’s training to take over the Bejhar.”

“I didn’t know that. I know I saw a lot more of him from that point on.”

“God used that accident to show me just what you meant to me. Not only are you my king; that I have been training to protect, fighting beside, and planning with but that accident;” she pursed her lips. “A couple times on the way home, I thought we had lost you. I am not the healer my dad is. And we couldn’t get you to him fast enough. It; I felt like the accident was my fault to begin with. I never should have allowed you to walk behind that horse. But I was distracted.”

“By?”

“You.” She played with his hair.

He grinned, “really?”

“Oh yes, really.”

“Tell me more.” There was that sideways grin the disarmed her.

She blushed.

‘Failed,’ ran across his mind. “You said you thought you lost me a couple times. Did I?”

“Could never say it out loud. I could never admit it.”

“So that was the change?”

“Change?” She questioned.

He took a deep breath. “In some of my dreams, you look different. I never really understood why. You are beautiful no matter when I dream about you. I couldn’t define the difference. Sarah told me in a dream that you failed.” He shook his head. “I believed it was just one more way for her to torment me.”

He held her in his arms. She spoke, “as surely as the Lord lives and as you live, I will not leave you.” (2 Kings 2:2, 4, 6)

They both fell asleep.

That night, he didn’t dream. When the morning came he was calm and well rested. There she was, still asleep on his arm. Still alive. Still hurt. But she was right there.

Where am I? Something was running. There was the muffled sound of birds chirping. Was that a car that drove past?

As I stretched, muscles groaned from inactivity. It dawned on me, my frame was too long for a full stretch upon this surface.

Through closed blinds, sunlight found a way. I was warm from being curled up in cover. It was soft and filled my nose with a pleasing smell. At the same time, the air surrounding my face was cool, nice.

Were my eyes open? A blue screen of death? That wasn’t a computer? Was it? What is behind it, on the wall? A blob? Focus. A gold wall sconce, with something on it. The ability to focus; to tell you what it was, no. My vision was drawn to it. Why? It was crooked. Yes, crooked. That did not sit well in my mind.

Finally, my vision was no longer blurry. That crooked wall sconce brought me into focus. As I rose, a painful gift reminded me of my night. Why I was in this state of confusion in the first place. The soft pillows called longingly to my throbbing head.

On the coffee table was a can of water, a bottle and a note. With a stiff arm, I reached for the note. “Medicine is old. You may have to take a double dose to get desired results.”

Who keeps old medicine? Can that not hurt you?

On the corner of the couch was a dog. A little dog with big ears. He looked at me with disgust. Sighed, as he laid his head back down. I had disturbed him from his nap. How dare I? He had no fear of me.

Where am I? I read over the note again looking for anything to tell me where I was. On the back I found, “I have plenty of food if you get hungry.” The thought of food send bile rising to my mouth.

My phone was on the table charging. I hadn’t thought about what would happen it my phone died. My wallet. I patted my back pocket. Yes, that was my wallet.

Dear God! One text. One message was all it took to send my world into a (to repeat a popular phrase) dumpster fire. How did I get here? Have I hurt anyone? Did I have a jacket on? Where are my shoes?

The raging in my head got worse. The expired medicine was starting to look nice.

That message was still on my phone. That gut punch, soul crushing, mind numbing message. Through a haze, I pulled myself up. Kitchen? Fridge? Alcohol? That’s what got me here in the first place: alcohol. God, my head. The cold air spilling from the fridge felt like a heaven sent. Calming my inabilities. A clicking sound pulled my attention to the floor. That little dog with the big ears followed me. He looked at me with curiosity.

Must make it back to the couch. Soft pillows to a hurting head. He followed me. Using me as a spring board so he could sit on the back of the couch.

My phone screen lit up. At some point, the ringer had been turned off. Had I done that? Did it matter? Missed calls. Missed messages. Make them stop!

I heard a new noise. A clinky rattle. “Cheekie.” Sang a sweet voice. “Time for potty town.” The jingle of metal chimed out as a clicking echoed on the floor. The door shut. How long was the voice gone? It was back again. “Dinner.” I know this voice. Right? Soft sweet voice.

“Kibble and grease. A little baby dogs best friend.” She sat down beside me. “Hi. How’s your head?” Gentle fingers caressed my temple. With that touch, all my defenses fell. Those impenetrable defenses I had built with too much alcohol hours earlier. That gut punch, soul crushing, mind numbing message. Those emotions couldn’t be contained.

“Where am I?” I finally squeezed through sobs.

“My house.”

Could I cry any harder? Yes. I did. Real men don’t cry? Right? Crying, I couldn’t stop. Sobbing, I couldn’t contain. The dam had broken.

“I don’t even know where you live.” With tight fists, I clung to the material of her shirt. My life line. Arms slid around my shaking frame.

That dumpster fire has to be faced.

Chapter 35

Part 1

Kol woke in a dead panic. “Max!” He screamed.

He burst into the room finding Kol kneeling in the floor holding his chest. “My king?” Max knelt with him.

Kol could hardly speak. “Where is she?”

“If you are referring to Kessa, she is in her room. My king.”

Max extended his hands toward Kol in case he needed help getting up. He declined Max’s offer getting up on his own. “Show me.” He tucked his hands under his arms to try to hide the fact that they were shaking. His legs weren’t very steady either.

Outside Kessa’s door, Kol closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He nodded okay. Max knocked; she didn’t answer. Kol got a wild look on his face. Max knocked again.

“Come in.” Max opened the door, closing it behind the king.

“My king, are you okay?” He just stood there. The ability to move had been taken from him. It took great effort for her to get out of the bed. She wrapped her arms around him. He was shaking. “Kol, what’s wrong?” It was as if he didn’t see her. “Max,” she called. He stuck his head in the door, “will you help me?”

He smiled, “of course.”

Max guided his king to the bed getting him to set on the edge. “Thank you.” She smiled a sweet smile.

“If you need me, I’m right outside.”

“I know. Thank you.”

Kessa sat down beside Kol allowing her hurt leg to drape over the side of the bed. She stroked his hair, “Kol.” She kept her voice soft.

He finally turned to look at her, caressing her face. “You are really here?”

She held his hand. He was still shaking. “I’m really here.”

“Kes, I had the worst dream. I woke and couldn’t find you. We searched the island over. You were nowhere. Then everything was dark. A darkness that I’ve never experienced. It overwhelmed me. Took my breath away it was so intense. When I really did wake, that feeling was still inside me. I’m sure Max thinks I’ve lost my mind.”

“Of course he does. But we knew that when we took the job.” She smiled.

He reached around and put his hand on her back. Instead of moving her to him, he moved to her; kissing her with all the passion he could muster. “Was my dream God telling me what my life would be like without you in it?”

“It could be but I don’t know.”

She was still holding his hand. He guided it to her hip but didn’t put enough pressure on it to hurt her. With great care not to rock the bed, he moved to her feet; producing the chain and putting it on her ankle.

“Kol?”

He kissed the top of her foot. Up her leg stopping at her knee. He sat back on the bed, “you are an amazing woman. Everything that God has shown me has been,” he trailed off. “Then this dream. I can’t honestly express to you how it felt not having you in my life. Kes, you know me. You know me better than my own mother. Than anyone.” His hands were still shaking. He laid his head on her shoulder. She hugged him up. “This job is brutal. I love my people and my kingdom. I can’t ask you.”

Kessa noticed that he had stopped breathing. She lifted his head, kissing him on the forehead.

He took a deep breath before letting it out slowly. “I can’t.” She thought he was going to throw up. With all her strength, she hugged him up again. “I can’t ask you to take this yoke for my sake. God Kessa, I love you.”

“Kol, I love you.” He leaned up with tears streaming down his face. “I’ve loved you for a long time.”

“You’ve never said it before.”

“No, I haven’t.” She continued caressing his face. “You tried to have a conversation with me about some dreams you were having.” She took a deep breath, “All of the things you have forgotten, I’ve remembered. Every kiss. Every time you touched me with a quivering hand. Every time you did, how your heart raced. Emotions in general aren’t easy for me. Saying I love you is very difficult. God and dad are the only two people I’ve ever said it too, before now. It would have ripped my heart out if I would have said it to you and you would have forgotten.”

“Kes, will you be my queen?”

Chapter 34

They all met for breakfast the next morning. The Queen Mother smiled, “Lady Kessa.”

Kessa bowed her head, “my lady.”

“I’m so glad you could join us.”

Kol pulled out a chair for his mother. She sat down. “Thank you.”

Then he pulled out a chair for Kessa as he cracked his little sideways grin. “Thank you.”

He sat down then Frego sat down. “You watched us fight yesterday, what did you think Lady Kessa?”

“You understand why Max wouldn’t give you a break when you requested one?”

“Yes, my enemy will not give me a break.”

“Your enemy will try to find and exploit any weakness they can.”

“I understand.”

“You are doing well. You’re form is good. Foot work is spot on. I would encourage you to watch your temper. Many times you would take a deep breath and come in with vigor. That is a good way to wear yourself out. Always remember to pace your fight. You want to make sure to have the strength to fight all day if the situation calls for it.”

“All day!” He protested.

Kol laughed. “Be glad she’s not the one you’re fighting. You,” he shook his finger at her; “almost broke my leg in a fight.”

Kessa just smiled and blushed.

Everyone was laughing and talking. The Queen Mother was watching Kol with interest but to Kessa it didn’t feel like a look of love. It felt creepy and made her skin crawl. She did her best to hide her discomfort.