With God’s help, I think I have all the bugs worked out. Allow me to explain.
I have always been jealous of people who knew from the time they could express the concept, what they wanted to be when they grew up.
A few years ago, I started a blog. What better way to share with a group of like minded individuals? I was so scared that I’d get made fun of. Discounted. Or ripped to shreds. So far, that hasn’t happened. Even some of the more Christian centered works I’ve shared have been received.
Stephen King, Dean Koontz and Anna Rice are the exceptions to the rule. People who have gotten famous; dare I say rich, ‘cause they love to write.
As I am finding material to go on my blog, I discovered a poem written in the 8th grade. A story written in high school. So have I always wanted to be a writer?
Honestly, my grammar sucks. My sentence structure is deplorable, at best. Sometimes I feel like Salieri in Amadeus. The desire exists but not the talent. Talent (laughable), what talent? When we talk about God given talents, I zone out. Again I ask, what talent?
So what’s a girl to do? Keep praying? Keep trying? Neither? Both? There is no need for me to tell you rejection hurts. On any level. I’m sure you’ve heard it so many times it’s ad nauseam at this point.
The number of times I’ve cried out to God are uncountable. By me.
With all of this backstory, I published my first book on Amazon KDP. A book of poetry. Through all the nerves, rewrites, corrections, God has been holding my hand.
I’m not going to share with you a link to the book in this post. It’s not about that. It’s about listening to God. Working through the doubt. Trying not to hold onto the rejection. God’s achievement has been 50 years in the making. While I didn’t bill this book as a book of Christian poetry. Only 2 or 3 of them are directly about faith. God is allover it. Working every step of the way.
“Evie, when you left here to go find whatever it was you wanted to find, I never left you. Every chance I got, I watched the two of you show and compete. I would bring your dad to the meets. One day, you two were winnin’, the next day, you were gone.”
It was a long time before Evie said anything. “That’s what he did first. He sold my horse. He knew me well enough to know that I would get rid of everything associated with her. I sent everything I had home to dad that had anything to do with my riding days. There was nothing in my life to remind me of her. Nothing but memories.”
Dillon held the gate open for her, “come in.”
Evie entered the pen. They walked in silence toward the barn.
“She has a big area to play in.”
“Play she does.” He sighed, “and fuss with me.” Teka ran past Dillon and pushed him forward. “See what I mean.”
Once they were in the barn, she noticed the trailer she bought for Teka. The trailer her dad came and got full of memories.
Dillon showed her up to the top level of the barn. There were all the boxes she had loaded into the horse trailer. Box after box of ribbons, trophies, pictures, newspaper articles, and memories.
She fell to her knees, “Dillon what are you doing with all of my stuff?”
He sat down behind her so that if she did fall backwards he could catch her. “Your dad thought it was only fittin’ for her stuff to follow her.” He paused for a moment. “I only opened one box, after I realized what it was, I sealed it back up and here it has been.” He was very nervous.
She just knelt there not knowing how to feel. One moment she was angry. Angry at the world. Angry with her ex-husband. Angry at her dad. Angry with Dillon. Just plain angry. Then she was overtaken by sadness. A sadness that consumed her heart.
He wanted to console her but didn’t know how. Didn’t know if he would say the right thing or the wrong thing and just end up hurting her more. So he chose not to say a word.
“I guess I owe you an apology.”
He was confused for a moment. A wrinkle crossed his brow. “Why?”
“You really do need a truck that big.” Her voice was so monotone. So without flavor, not like her at all.
A smile crossed his lips in spite of himself. “All is forgiven.” What he really wanted to say was all is forgiven my love. But knew he couldn’t.
She was staring off into space or so he thought. “Do you remember the summer before we started high school?”
“Oh yeah,” he sighed. “How could I forget it? It was the worst summer of my life.”
Sometimes we make things way harder than they have to be. There is no need to reinvent the wheel. It works amazingly as is. But because we are human; we want to make it better.
For those of you that read my work, I published my first work on KDP. There is an idea rolling around in my brain for a series of children’s picture books. So let’s get started. Right?
Originally, I had Google pictures print these. And dare I say, they were lovely. But not complete books. And not in a format where the public could find them.
Up loading the e-book, it’s okay but no where near as nice as the original Google photo book. Oh, the paperback broke my heart. Not only couldn’t I do the images in color. KDP wanted 72 pages for a completely color paperback. The images were distorted and (dare I say) gross.
I left the e-book live but unpublished the paperback. Until I can get it looking more like the way I want it.
A fellow blogger suggested Atticus. https://dawnpisturino.wordpress.com/ And I’ve learned that KDP offers templates. So, I’m gonna try to find those next.
This has truly been a learning experience. I’m not trying to reinvent the wheel. Just trying to learn.
“Hey sheriff,” Danny called. “When u gonna sell me that horse?”
“Never,” Dillon barked in his true gruff fashion.
Or so Rebecca thought, hateful man.
“Come on man. You can’t keep her at home.” Dillon raised an eyebrow at him. “You’ve got to treat your horse like you treat your woman. You’ve got to break her spirit and teach her where home is.”
A loud boo erupted from the women at the table.
“Daniel!” Mr. Rice growled.
Evie glanced at Dillon.
“Could this be why you’re still single?” He didn’t smile or give any sign that he was enjoying this conversation, he just stared at Evie.
Everyone started laughing.
“You would know about being single wouldn’t you?” Danny fired back.
“Yelp, but I don’t live in my parents basement, do I?”
“Man, that was a low blow.”
Dillon was still staring at Evie.
“Come on man, sell me that horse.”
Dillon whirled around on his seat. The horse that hated him so much was happily munchin’ on the Ledbetter’s clover. “I swear that horse hates me.”
Danny erupted with laughter. “All the more reason to sell her to me.”
Mr. Rice noticed the elegant Trakehner in the yard. But Evie was busy talkin’ to Widow Blake at this point. Widow Blake wouldn’t let anyone notice the world around them.
“Evie,” Mr. Rice called to her.
“Yes dad?”
DAD! Rebecca nearly choked. DAD! She didn’t think people could keep a secret in a small town but by ned they had managed to keep this one.
He pointed with a shaky finger toward the fence.
Bradley was laughing so hard he couldn’t breathe.
Evie looked around Dillon and her heart stopped. She turned pale. Dillon finally turned around. He watched her as she got up and walked around the table. “Breathe Evie.” He encouraged her.
“How’d that horse get in my yard?” Rebecca asked.
“Jumped and walked.” Evie answered as if Rebecca was stupid.
Everyone was watching her.
Suddenly, Dillon didn’t have to worry about tellin’ Evie about Teka. The horse did it for him.
“Hi baby girl.” Evie almost cried.
The horse stopped munchin’ and gave her a sideways glance.
Evie kept talking to the horse.
She snorted and started walking toward Evie.
“Hello Teka. Hello beautiful.
Evie was standing far enough away from the table so if Teka started a fuss no one would get hurt.
Teka walked very slowly toward her, sniffing every step of the way.
“Look at you. Someone’s taken good care of you.”
Teka continued to sniff and snort. Her chestnut mane shimmered with each flick of her throat.
Teka let Evie pet her. “I’ve missed you.” Evie started to cry. She went over every inch of the horse with her hands. To everyone’s amazement, this seemingly wild horse stood perfectly still while Evie examined her. “My beautiful horse. I never should have let you go.”
Teka turned her head toward Evie and snorted. It was as if she knew what Evie was saying.
“I’m sorry girl. Really I am.” She stood up; “looks like both of us have been through a bad patch.”
Hmm, bad patch. Rebecca’s thoughts wondered about what it could mean.
Teka snorted again.
“That’s my girl.” Evie rubbed her face some more. “You need to go home.”
Teka snorted and nickered.
“Home with me.” Danny shouted.
“For the millionth time, no.” Dillon didn’t even turn around to look at him.
Teka started to walk and Evie began following her, “good girl.”
Dillon went to get his truck. Evie and Teka walked down the road and Dillon followed beside of them.
“Dillon, how long have you had her?”
“I’m not shore.”
“Tell me how you found her.”
They turned to go up a long driveway surrounded by white fences. To Evie’s amazement, it was half a mile from her house. She turned around and could see the end of her white picket fence.
“I don’t know how but your dad bought her.”
“And you?”
“Teka belongs to your dad. She just lives here.”
She didn’t know what to say. This was something her and her dad needed to talk about. “My poor girl. I’m sorry.” Evie turned and petted her again. She brushed her nose against Evie’s shoulder.
“She really understands you.”
“We’ve known each other for a while.” Evie opened a gate and Teka walked into her pen. Dillon was now standing beside her. “You need to make this fence at least six feet high.”
“Why?”
“That’s the highest she’s ever jumped.”
Dillon was confused, “okay.”
“How did she get out of the pen?” Evie offered up a quick question.
“Good question. If I find a break in the fence, I’ll let you know.”
“You won’t.” She sighed, “I can’t believe you have her.” They just stood by the gate watching Teka strut her stuff.
Evie took her time changing after church. She strolled out of her house humming the song she had sung. Okay, she thought as a late model big black quad cab dually truck was pulling into her driveway. It must have been one of the original quad cabs. The windows were as black as the truck. She was a little afraid. Chill bumps ran down her spine.
He stopped short of her when he realized she was staring a hole through him. “What?” She didn’t say anything. “Evie?”
She finally saw him. Really saw him and not her ex-husband. “Sorry.” She smirked.
“Evie?” Dillon was confused, her reaction concerned him.
“I’m okay.” She smiled.
“Evie?”
“I couldn’t see inside your windows and had no idea of who might be inside so my mind started running scenarios on me.”
“Oh honey, I’m so sorry. I should have called first. I didn’t mean anything.” All of a sudden he felt like a heel.
“No, it’s okay. You had no idea and really neither did I.” She continued staring at the truck.
“What?” She cocked her head to one side. “Evie?”
She threw up her hand pointing at the truck. “I really pray you have a farm or a ranch.”
He gave her a devious grin. “Why?”
“Because you’re suckin’ off half the worlds resources with that monster. I say only people with work to do warrant a truck like that.”
He chuckled, “what if I don’t have a farm or a ranch?”
“Then you’re a selfish person Dillon Pace.” She teased. “And I don’t remember you being selfish.
They walked toward the Ledbetter’s house together. The Ledbetter’s driveway and yard were littered with vehicles.
“So tell me,” he spoke. “Does a single gal really need such a big car?”
“My car’s not big.” She stopped in the middle of the road.
“It’s bigger than one person needs.” He was grinning from ear to ear. “Followin’ your logic, a single person needs a car designed for one or two people. Your car is designed for four.”
“Five,” she corrected him. “You’re just trying to be an ellic because I’ve bruised your pride.”
“Ya think?” He couldn’t stop smiling.
“Look here mister, my car gets 28 to 30 miles a gallon. I have a 4-cylinder engine. And she has a 14 gallon gas tank. How many miles does your monster get per gallon?”
“If you must know, I average 13.”
“My point is made.” She turned to continue walking toward her neighbor’s house.
Dillon had to fight hard to control the urge to grab her and kiss her. She looked so sexy mad. But, she really wasn’t mad. He told himself. She was playing and he liked it.
The Ledbetter’s backyard was filled with people. Della had set up her long table that she was known for. Other than her food of course.
Dillon couldn’t stop this feeling of freedom he felt. He wondered if it showed? But only for a minute. As long as he could be near Evie, he didn’t care.
Everyone sat down to eat. Dillon sat across from Evie. His back was toward the fence separating his property from the Ledbetter’s. As far as he knew, they didn’t know who owned it. The sun beating down on his back and the wonderful company sitting across from him made him feel more relaxed than he’d ever felt before. Or felt in a long time? She really was here. He couldn’t stop looking at her.
The crowd was laughing, talking, and eating. They were oblivious to how he felt and he was really enjoying it.
He took a glance at Evie’s plate. She had gotten a small amount, maybe a teaspoon worth of 5 of the side dishes but none of the meat. Was she a vegetarian? An upward glance told him he was caught, by Mr. Rice. Dillon thought the old man was about to cry. He shook his head with a heavy sadness. Maybe vegetarian was a poor guess?
He was caught! Only she saw the look of bewilderment and terror on his face. After allowing a long breath to escape, he finally got up. A murmur fell over the church as Dillon strolled toward her from the last pew.
Rebecca wanted to know if the man could look any taller. The black dress pants he had on made him look twice as tall as he really was. What can this rude beast of a man possibly offer to the church? She thought to herself. He’s crash and abrasive. She was sure nothing good could come out of him.
Pastor Sam was on his feet waiting to greet Dillon.
Evelyn whispered to him, then he took a seat behind the piano. His long fingers danced across the ivories making sure the instrument was in tune.
“This really isn’t a religious song,” Evelyn explained. “However, it’s my way of saying thank you for everything you all did for us. It is my understanding that a large group of you helped get the house ready for me.” She smiled at her dad.
Dillon began to play.
As Evelyn began to sing, the entire church held their collective breath.
She was praying the entire time. God let me do this. When she reached her first high note, her voice wavered. No one really noticed it but her. She felt the off tone note quake through her body. By the time the next one rolled around, she nailed it. Thank you God. Her voice got stronger with each note. I can still do it. He didn’t beat it out of me after all.
Widow Blake reached over and took Mr. Rice’s hand. He hadn’t noticed through his tears that she had moved to sit beside him.
Rebecca held on to Simon as Evelyn continued her song. To her amazement, he was crying. Okay, she admitted, something good was able to come out of this crotchety sheriff.
Pastor Sam was in tears as well. Sue was present with him. Forgiving him with perfect love.
It took everyone a minute to realize they had stopped. When they did, everyone rose to their feet with joy.
“Yes,” Pastor Sam shouted through his tears. “Yes, God is working on us today church.” He started jumping up and down again.
Widow Blake had taken Evelyn’s seat, so she walked to the back of the church and sat with Dillon.
Breathe, he told himself. Breathe.
Dillon noticed her hands were shaking. He gently took them in his, holding them. She accepted his offer with a smile and a down cast glance. His felt as if his palms were sweaty but he wasn’t going to let that stop him from getting to touch her. A secret part of him wanted to raise her chin to kiss her.
She noticed how pale he looked. Leaning over to him, smiling, she whispered. “Thank you.”
“Music that prudy hadn’t been played in hur nie on 20 yars. Praise God. Thur at it again, singin’ and playin’ together. Praisin’ the Lord, a joyful noise.” Ole man Wagers, one of Mr. Rice’s good friends rang out over the congregation before the preacher started talking.
Outside Dillon finally got the chance to ask, “What made you think of that song?That’s the last song we ever practiced together.”
“Are you mad that I put you on the spot?”
“At first, I figured it was pay back for last night.” He blushed through his sun baked skin.
“I’m over it. Oh speaking of last night,” she reached into her purse and pulled out a cell phone. “How am I going to talk to you if you don’t have this?”
He felt heat rise back to his cheeks; quickly shoving a smart phone into his pocket. “Thanks.”
“Dinner at my house.” Rebecca shouted over the disbanding crowd. “5 o’clock.”
“See you at 5?” Evelyn smiled then climbed into the driver’s seat of Mr. Rice’s truck.
Dillon’s heart was about ready to explode. He just stood there watching her drive away. The ache in his heart was a different kind of pain than the last time he watched her drive away.
“Welcome back.”
Did he really hear that? He turned to see Bradley standing beside him. He didn’t know what to say. Welcome Back. Where had he been? He walked to his truck. In a heartbroken, God hating haze, that’s where he had been.
Poetry & More 