Since I met you

I have done a very bad thing.

My heart has started to sing.

Is it love or lust,

that has made my heart wish to bust?

I have broken my golden rule.

To my heart I am being cruel.

I have developed feelings for someone I work with.

My mind can not break the myth 

that such a relationship would be a strain.

Any emotion would be in vain.

When I was younger, 

I made a terrible blunder.

My heart ran away with my head.

After all was over and said, 

it was just a crush.

Puppy love in a teenage rush.

Just one event that made my teen years a living hell.

But on that issue I shall not dwell.

Around my heart I built a wall.

And swore to myself it would never fall.

To protect me from all whom would invade.

For a while my wall paid.

Over the year’s men have came and went.

To them my heart never bent.

My wall stood strong, 

but now I fear it is gone.

Rubble is all that remains 

weathering down to its original grains.

When first we met, 

about you I did not fret.

Just another man to meet.

Along lives crazy streets.

As big as the university was, 

we were just pieces of fuzz.

Thrown together by lives hurricane winds.

And soon apart it would send, 

us down different paths.

To get pounded in the rains bath.

But more and more I saw of you.

Your girlfriend I got to meet too.

Nice person she seemed

Of you I did not dream.

Things have changed

You are now in my range.

No substance on Earth, 

can create my walls rebirth.

To it a hammer you took.

As I was forced to sit and look.

But I must now turn my heart to stone, 

and sing internal insults until you are gone.

My mind tells my heart, 

by sending painful darts,

reminding me of why you and I shall never be.

And that from you I must flee.

But my feet have not seen the sun, 

of my minds desire to run.

With my new stone heart,

I turned toward you, but you etched a chart, 

cracking and breaking away the stone case.

Now leaving only the base.

A reminder of what I tried to do.

And the artwork you drew.

The darts no longer turn my heart cold.

But confuse my soul.

Teenage puppy love did not make me feel this way.

What I feel I cannot say.

Your voice rings bells in my ears.

And melts away all my fears.

I tried so to fight the way I feel.

However, each time I slip on the peel.

So alike; yet, different are we.

I must keep telling myself we will never be.

Your eyes through my soul burn.

For you my entire body yearns.

This game of love is new to me.

Through these ghastly webs I cannot see.

This game I know not how to play.

Upon my mind this situation weighs.

There is so much I have to lose.

Either way soon I have to choose.

Out of this do I make a big deal?

And tell him how I truly feel?

Or is this one of those things, 

that in the future will bring, 

regret, heartache, and pain.

From my first blunder did I not gain, 

an ounce of knowledge 

to contribute to my college?

My advice to friends,

is to bend.

Take the plunge,

lunge

head first into the pool.

Disregard every rule.

But my own advice I can not follow.

My own medicine I cannot swallow.

I must keep telling myself,

that in my life 

there is no room left for a man.

He’s not part of my plan.

But for you I would rearrange my life.

Without any strife,

Therefore more reason I must create.

My heart I must sedate.

You’re all I can talk about.

Your name I wish to shout.

Marriage,

is a carriage,

I never saw myself attached to.

Until I met you

Pulling it side by side,

my old ideas about life have died.

Children were not on my mind.

To this issue I have become blind.

I can not wait to see you.

A knot in my throat starts to ensue.

What I want to say and what say, 

are so different as night and day.

More reason I must sing, 

only more confusion does it bring.

All of my life I have wanted to run.

My life I wanted to shun.

Turning away from the things I grew up on, in me, new seeds you have sown.

If going back means getting closer to you, then of my past I shall secrete clues,

have promised my heart, 

promised from the start,

that I will place it’s bruised and battered flesh, in the softest mesh.

And encase it with an iron box.

So tight and strong not even a fox, 

could con its way inside my new walls.

Never again will they fall.