Please be advised ADULT LANGUAGE!
Brother Evan
Esther was setting the table for dinner. Oscar was so looking forward to a quiet dinner and hugging up on the couch for a movie. He heard a horn blow.
“Well,” Esther smiled, “that isn’t your brother.”
To his amazement it was Brother Evan, the pastor at his church.
Brother Evan was an older man, maybe in his late sixties or early seventies. Oscar was horrible at guessing peoples ages. His hair was turning gray but his voice during his sermons commanded even the most unruly crowds.
“Come over.” He extended an invitation to his pastor. “What brings you my way? Come to think of it, you have never been here.”
“Well, an error I’m correctin’.” Came his reply with a very heavy southern drawl.
Oscar went into the kitchen to get himself a chair. He looked at Brother Evan with bewilderment. He kinda remembered his manners, “could I get you something to drink?”
“No,” Brother Evan smiled. “I won’t keep you long. Smells like dinner.”
Oscar wasn’t about to invite the man to stay. Something about him being here made him very uneasy.
“The reason I’m here this evenin’ Oscar,” he cupped his hands. “May I call you Oscar?”
“Sure.”
“I got a call from your mother.”
Oscar knew where this conversation was going.
“She thinks that you’re livin’ a life unpleasing to God and are havin’ relations with a lady outside of wedlock,” he cleared his throat.
“Those aren’t my mother’s words.” Oscar growled.
“No, I’m cleanin’ the conversation up.”
“Why bother?”
Esther was in the kitchen listening. The more this man talked the more she thought she knew that voice.
“The point is Oscar.”
Oscar cut him off, “do call me Mr. Patterson.”
“Hmm, okay.” Brother Evan raised an eyebrow. “Well, Mr. Patterson, I’m sure I don’t have to tell you how displeasin’ it is to God when you have sexual relations outside of marriage.”
“And please tell me how you or my mother would know about my relations?”
Brother Evan cleared his throat again, “well, your mother thinks dancin’ is a sin. And, that the dance itself is a vertical expression of what you would like to be doin’ horizontally.”
“Dancing is an expression. But I highly think it’s a sin.”
It hit Esther like a bolt of lightning. She knew that voice. She stepped from the kitchen and stood behind Oscar. She made sure Brother Evan saw her rub Oscar’s shoulder he even reached up placing his hand over hers. “There are many examples of dancin’ in the Bible both good and bad. If you are referring’ to the dancin’ at the Christmas party, we did nothing that was shameful or would be displeasing to God.” She put her other hand on her chest, “Where are my manners?” She giggled, “allow me to introduce myself, I am the Whore of Babylon that dethroned little Doris. Did Ms. Patterson tell you about Doris? And mind you, you are in my house.”
Brother Evan looked stunned, “hmm, no. Hum-kay.”
“Well shall I? Doris is this lady that Pam would like for Oscar to marry; because she is younger than he and is just right for child bearing. Apparently she is dyin’ to have her vagina stroked and her uterus stretched.”
Oscar hand wasn’t its usual cold and clamminess; which thrilled Esther.
“So are you the reason Oscar hasn’t been coming to church?”
“Excuse me.” She questioned.
“Mr. Patterson, you haven’t been to church in over a month.”
“If I may refresh your memory, church was canceled for most of December. And instead of having Christmas Eve service you had church on Christmas Day. Which; I understand but was unable to attend.”
Brother Evan shrugged his shoulders.
“We are well into January.”
“Indeed we are.”
“Where are you from? That’s an amazing southern drawl you have.” Esther asked.
He smiled, “Georgia.”
“Really?” She hissed, “Brother Evan, just so we understand each other, are you calling us sin bags because we like to have meals together; we like to talk to each other; we have massive amounts of things in common; and we have declared our love to each other. Not publicly mind you.”
“Well good for you two. But let me just remind you that sex outside marriage is a sin.”
Poetry & More 