The fight

Part 2

Kessa finally stopped at the river. “Please talk to me.” Kol pleaded. She didn’t say a word. “Were you trying to take my head off?”

“I was fighting with Max.”

“I am aware. Frego is the one who pointed out you were fighting with your emotions not your head.” He lowered his voice. “Kessa?”

“All this emotional stuff, I can’t handle. I just want to lay it out on the training field and leave it there.”

“Where does that leave me?”

“You deal with your issues in your own way. And I have mine.”

“I always come back around to you.”

She sat down and he followed. “The things I’m upset about; why can’t I feel them, process, and move on?”

“I love you. It hurts my heart to know you are upset.”

“I understand and appreciate that. I love you. These are my issues. It isn’t my desire to hurt you. Just let me work them out and leave them laying back there.” He never said a word. He only watched her.

Finally in whispered tones he asked, “I thought your struggle with God was over?”

“Ask me. Just ask me all the questions you want answers too. Ask me now. But I’m begging you; after this, let it go. Let them all go.” Tears rolled down her face.

He tried to swallow away the lump in is throat. “Me and you, are we okay?”

She hid her face on her knees. “We have always been okay.”

“But you are not. That means we are not.”

“Sometimes when you and I talk, I don’t always have all the information I need about things. Somethings, I still don’t know everything.” She took a deep breath. “I have learnt that each time Rajaf used the white liquid, there was a trade off. As you are aware, I have a weak arm now where I was shot with the arrow. My scars are white, where yours (for example) are light brown. The accident in the Forest of Shadows, I can’t have children. Honestly, I’m okay with that. I will be the loving grandmother if Frego will let me.” She sniffed, “I’m too old any way. I don’t have the energy to keep up with a child.”

“You spent half a day kicking both mine and Max’s behinds.”

She smiled, “that’s half a day. A child is constant. In the bell tower, I wanted to die. I was ready.”

“Kessa?”

“I had gone over that morning to check on dad. All day, I hung there all day. I wanted Max to get you out of the tower and just let the bell fall.”

His voice cracked, “that would have killed me.”

“I know that now.” She looked at him. Now he was about to cry. “Those dreams you shared with me; I have a function in this life. I’ve never questioned that. As you’ve told me, I’m good at my job. The rising tide, yes. I’ve sat there on that beach and let the tide roll in over me. Praying it would take me out with it. But it never did. I stood on the edge of that cliff praying the wind would blow me over but it never did. Satan uses my weaknesses against me. My feelings of loneliness, emptiness, incompleteness. My failures and my flaws.”

“Those rooms full of stuff at your dad’s.”

“His trophies, not mine.” She sighed. “I fought against being your general because I wanted something more than being a military figure.” He started to speak but she stopped him. “You made valid points. This isn’t on you. It just made sense.”

“Is that why you tried other interest? Trying to drown out the military?”

“Trying to find me. Maybe that was Satan as well. Maybe I was never lost.”

“You never intended to share this with me?” She shook her head ‘no’. “How many times have you said to me that my burdens were your burdens. Why say that to me?”

“Because I love you.”

“Am I not allowed to express the same care and compassion for my wife? The woman that is my rock.” She hid her face from him. He moved to where he was right beside her.

“The things you are going through are more defined. Why burden your heart with things I can’t process?”

“Because they burden you.” He hugged her up. “Kessa,” he moved kneeling in front of her. ‘God help me say the right words. He said a quick prayer ‘God help me say the right words.’ “You are the strongest person I know. You don’t have to be strong. Take off your armor.”

Her voice was so soft. She wasn’t sure she said it out loud. “How?” She sniffed, “I hate this.” She took a deep breath, “promise me you will not try to fix things. Somethings I just need to lay it out, process, then come us with a solution. Don’t take my feelings and inabilities personally. This mess that I am, you didn’t do this.” She couldn’t look him in the face. Instead, she laced her fingers through his. “I have discovered that it brings me great comfort falling asleep on your shoulder. Feeling your arms wrapped around me. I know in my heart that if I fall you will catch me. But my head hasn’t caught up yet.”

His heart was breaking. With a gentle finger he lifted her chin. Her eyes were red from crying. Tears streamed down her face. ‘How to respond? How to tell her all that was in his heart?’ He was a ball of nerves. “You have been here for me my entire life. Now, I’m here for you. We are here for each other.”

The fight

Part 1

Max and Kessa were fighting in the yard. They had been fighting for hours and quite the crowd had gathered to watch them. Neither of them spoke as they fought. No battle noises. All you heard was the thunk of wood on wood. When the swords came out, the clink of metal on metal.

Kol stepped beside Frego, “how long have they been doing this?”

“It’s been awhile.” He sighed. “I’m waiting for one of them to get hurt.”

As they watched, Kessa would change hands. “I didn’t know she was ambidextrous.”

“She’s favoring her right arm.”

“How about her hip?”

“Max hasn’t tried to use that yet. I think he’s saving it for later?”

“Do we need to put an end to this?”

Frego gave his dad a look, “I’m not.” He turned his head back toward the fight. “Did you two get into it last night?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Watch her. She’s angry. I am going to say something to her about that. Especially since she made it a point to remind me to control my emotions.”

Frego was right. The longer Kol watched her the more he knew she was upset. He left Frego’s side.

Kol was getting ready to walk out onto the field. Marcus stopped him, “ that’s not a good idea, sire.”

Kol’s voice was flat. “I understand.” He motioned and two white flags on either side of the field started waving. Max and Kessa stopped fighting.

He walked out as a hush fell over the soldiers gathered to watch. “Max you are relieved.”

All Max could do was give Kol a blank stare. Deep down he was grateful. Tired, hot, covered with sweat and sand. He finally said, “hurt or not; your in for a fight.”

Kessa was never one for show. No showing off her moves. No loud noises. No taunts or teasing about her adversaries inabilities. She just waited. Waited for Kol to make the first move. And he did.

Max was beside Frego. “Forgive me my prince, does he know what he’s doing?”

Max felt movement beside him. Lilly asked, “how long can they do this?”

“All day.” Frego sighed.

“Who taught you?” Lilly asked Max.

“She did.”

“Who taught him?” She pointed at Kol.

“She did.” He and Frego answered at the same time.

“Because neither has quit, does that mean they are evenly matched?”

“For the most part.” Max answered.

“Remind me not to make her mad.” Lilly sighed.

“Max,” Frego leaned in to whisper. “Do you have any idea what’s going on?”

“Let’s end this.” He pleaded.

“Okay.”

At that moment, Kessa threw down her weapons and walked away. The crowd started to break up.

“What does this mean?” Lilly asked. Kol lowered his weapons and followed her.

Frego answered, “now it’s private.”

Max made a motion with his hand and the group of soldiers scattered.

“Let’s get out of the sun for awhile?” Frego smiled.

Max was gone.

They turned to leave, “I will never understand this.”

Chapter 51

Kessa’s house on the mountain became their getaway. Anytime either of them needed a break, that was their retreat.

Petro came running up to Kessa. He was red faced and out of breath, “come, come” he pointed at the stables.

She followed him finding Kol asleep on the hay. Chico was curled up by his side and Molly (Kessa’s horse) had her head laying very close to Kol’s head. Kessa’s smile stretched from ear to ear. This was a sweet sight. She whispered in Petro’s ear as he took off again. He brought a blanket from the house and a couple other items she had asked for and left again. Kessa covered Kol and Chico up with the blanket. She sat opposite him leaning up against one of the stable beams, drawing this scene.

Kol hadn’t fully recovered from his years of fighting with God. He didn’t share her idea that he was truly having a disagreement with God. His view was that he was fighting demons. The positive side of this was that he wasn’t having nightmares anymore. And of course, their marriage. But there was something else he was struggling with. She didn’t push him to share. He would tell her when God told him he was ready to let go of his burdens.

With each line she drew, her thoughts of what he went through, events both heartbreaking and joyous. Joyous because not only where they married but he reunited with God. He made his peace with God or his demons.  

Her fight with God had left her with a stiff hip. If he didn’t wake up in time to help her get up, she would have to either roll to her feet or pray Petro came back to help her up. And sometimes if she stood too long or sat too long for that matter, right down the middle of her leg, from her hip to her knee, it felt like a trail of ants was marching to their nest.

After she put the finishing touches on Molly’s head, she looked up to see that he was watching her smiling. “Hello my wife.”

“Husband.”

He got up bringing the blanket with him to where she was sitting. “What are you doing?” She showed him the drawing. “Is that what I look like?”

“More or less.” She teased, “we have mirrors.”

He put his arm around her waist before kissing her. “You are amazing.”

She blushed. “Thank you.”

“I never had a picture of me commissioned. The palace is full of family portraits. I don’t think that is an expense the city needs. That money can be put to other uses. Like our water plans.” He picked at his fingers for a minute. “Do you mind if we talk about General Marcus?” She hung her head. “No matter what you decide to do, you know I will support you.”

“I do know that.” She forced a smile.

“What is God telling you?”

A broken laugh escaped her as she stretched out over her legs, leaned back up and sighed. “I am terrified. Are you aware just how massive your army is? Not only does Marcus command your ground army; Captain Rede answers to him.”

“Marcus has always deferred to you when we are in the field.” He reminded her sweetly.

“These are small groups under 50. Not thousands.”

“The soldiers respect you.” He moved to caress her back as they talked.

“Are you comfortable with this?” She locked eyes with him.

He still wasn’t able to hold her gaze long. “As your husband, it would be a lie if I didn’t say it concerns me. But I know you. I know your faith in God is strong. You do nothing without his direction.”

“What are your concerns?” He wasn’t quick to respond. “This is a decision that affects both of us.”

“As the Bejhar commander, you have always been behind me. I have always known that you have my back no matter what.” He thought for a moment. “This has nothing to do with your skills or abilities; you will be beside me. You will,” He trailed off. She moved to lay her head in his lap as he continued rubbing her back. “You will always be a target to get to me. I’m not making sense. My words are getting lost.” He took a moment to collect his thoughts. “I’m scared as well. Marcus is usually beside me on the front line when we were in battle. Being my wife as well as my general increases the size of your target.

“Changing the line-up doesn’t change the importance of the position. It makes no one a coward if your general leads the second charge and say Max was beside you on the front line.” She rolled over, he rested his hand on her stomach. “Or if your general led the first and you led the second.”

“We have the most romantic conversations.” He lay back in the hay guiding her to him.