Banana bread

Please be advised ADULT LANGUAGE!

It was three days till Christmas. And every day, his family was blowing up his phone wanting something. Things he would not supply even if he had the means. A new van. New tires to go on the truck. Pipes froze and busted. You name it, they wanted it. Each time, he gave them a community resource that might or might not help them.

He was pacing his living room floor. Every year on Christmas he felt duty bound to endure dinner at his mother’s. No matter how he felt about her, this was the woman that brought him into this cruel world. His brother would be there with the circus that would never leave town family of his. They always wanted money. Money! Money! Money!  It was like trying to cover a knife wound with a band aid. If he let them, they would bleed him dry. And this year Doris would be there. He had no intentions of hookin’ up with Doris. His heart was elsewhere.  

Why even bother with presents? He asked himself as he paced across the floor. It isn’t like they give a crap.

He jerked on his coat and headed out the door. Why indeed?

He had eventually made himself sick with all his worrying. He had their little presents; knowing full well that they would talk about him when he left. All their angry words filled his mind. Cheap ass bastard. You would think on a teacher’s salary he could afford real presents. He didn’t get us a damn thing we wanted. You know that his truck and house are paid for, why’s he being a selfish ass? My kids need more than a damn toy. What’s this shit all about? Christian my ass!

God help me! He screamed in his mind.

“Hi,” Esther opened her door with that bright smile of hers. “Come in.”

He pulled her to him and kissed her, then held her for a moment. “I’m sorry.” He rested his head on her forehead. “I’m sorry.”

“Each time you kiss me, are you gonna say ‘I’m sorry.’”

“No, I shouldn’t have barged in like this.”

“All is forgiven.” She took his coat. “Banana bread.”

He smelt the air. The warm smell caused his stomach to growl and cramp at the same time. So much so that he almost buckled to the floor. He stood there frozen, holding his stomach, just trying to breathe.

“O, what’s wrong?” She caressed his face. “Can you make it to the couch?” He didn’t move. She spoke softly as she held on to his shoulders. “Step to your left.” As he did, daggers stabbed him in the stomach. He put his hand over his mouth. They stood there for a long time. When he removed his hand from his mouth, she spoke again. “One more step to the left.” It wasn’t daggers this time. It was a wave of nausea. His knees buckled under him; but he was able to grab onto the arm of the couch for support. “See how close you are?”  

He did see. If he was going to be sick, he might as well do it right. He lay down unable to move any farther. She wiped his face with a cold cloth. The thought did come to her mind whether or not he even knew she was there.

After several hours, he stirred, sniffing the air. “Did you say that was banana bread?”

She giggled, “it was fresh out of the oven. And I assume you’ve had nothing to eat today?”

“No.” He sat up and pulled her into him. He buried his face in her neck. “You smell so good.”

“Thanks.”

As he let go of her he said, “let’s eat.”

As they sat at her table with their warm bread and cold milk, his mind wondered back to the horror that was Christmas.

Oscar looked lost again. He had gone to ‘that place’. “Where are you?”

Should he ask her? Why should he put another human through his 10th level of hell? Ask, that voice spoke inside his head.

“Would you be interested in going with me to Christmas dinner at my mother’s? I realize this is short notice, but I haven’t had the courage to ask you before now. Before you say anything, I just want you to know my brother and his family live with my mom.”

“Don’t forget Doris,” she smiled reaching across the table and held her hand out to him. He took it. “It would be my pleasure.”

“Tell me something.”

“I’ll try.”

“We are not supposed to worry. We are to let Jesus burden our load. How?”

“I always try 1 Corinthians 10:13, no temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”

“How did you get so smart?” He tried to smile but couldn’t.

“The school of hard knocks.”

“How’s your stomach?”

“Doing flip flops around my ass.”

She smiled, “I know that shouldn’t be funny, but it is. Oh,” she got up going into her bedroom. Coming back with a book. “If you feel up to it, I think everyone in America should read this book. Even if you don’t have someone close to you that has a mental illness.” The book was ‘Crazy’ by Pete Early. ‘A father’s search through America’s mental health madness’. G. P. Putnam’s Sons 2006. “This book helped me a lot with trying to understand what my grandparents might have went through with my dad. If you don’t want to read it, no hurt feelings.”

“Thank you.”