Cry

I want to cry.

I don’t know why.

Shall this bleeding-

heart ever die?

True blood my heart,

does not bleed.

But something I can’t explain,

does flow from within.

this breast of mine.

I can’t place it.

Or put a name to it.

However, it is there.

But I can’t explain.

April 4, 1994

Taken from a collection I’ve entitled ‘The Destruction of Me’. Started in the 8th grade through college. Not a published book.

Stone So Cold

Blood of ice.

Heart of stone.

No tool sharp enough,

to crack the rough,

jagged wall around your soul.

No smile can penetrate your fire.

There is no emotion from your face.

The gentle flutter of a silk blouse.

The flow of soft wavy hair.

Does the chase even spark an interest?

No!

For you there would be no reward.

You cold, cold heart.

No warmth inside.

Blood of ice.

Heart of stone.

February 25, 1994

Taken from a collection I’ve entitled ‘The Destruction of Me’. Started in the 8th grade through college. Not a published book.

Thankful Thursday

The Bible study group I belong to does a series called Thankful Thursday. This is my take on one story. You may totally disagree and that okay.

My thankfulness today is the ability to learn. The Bible is the word of God. Sin and human nature tends to bend us in ways the word of God didn’t want us to go. This is one of my many learning experiences.

Sam’s sermon Sunday was about the lessons we can learn from the parable of “The Prodigal Son.” From a religious stand point, I’m so very happy God will take us into his loving arms even after we have made such a mess out of life.

I want to look at the oldest son. Luke 15: 29-32 – 29 And he answering said to his father, Lo, these many years do I serve thee, neither transgressed I at any time thy commandment: and yet thou never gavest me a kid, that I might make merry with my friends:

30 But as soon as this thy son was come, which hath devoured thy living with harlots, thou hast killed for him the fatted calf.

From an Earthly standpoint; being the oldest and having such a big difference in how my sister and I were raised, this parable makes me mad every time I read it.

I’ve been digging a little deeper (for me).

Luke 15:1 Now the tax collectors and sinners were all gathering around to hear Jesus. 2 But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law muttered, “This man welcomes sinners and eats with them.”

Shew buddy. Am I a Pharisee because I understand the hard feelings this older brother feels? Because I want to hug the oldest and whisper in his ear, “he probably has donovanosis and his junks gonna rot off.”

Jesus surrounded himself with sinners. And here he’s preaching to the Pharisees and the teachers of law who are so lofty they think their poo doesn’t stink. And who looks down their noses at us sinners.

25: the oldest son was in the field. Why was he in the field? He was working. He worked for his father.

While the father was happy that his son was home safe and sound. The oldest brother was angry. He would not go in the house. He made his father come to him. He removes himself from the household.

29 “Lo these many years I have serve thee.” He has removed himself as a son and categorizes himself as a slave (servant). You can serve someone and be obedient and not love them. Service to God and obedience to God isn’t a bad thing. However, we need to – KJV “Serve the LORD with gladness: come before his presence with singing.” Psalms 100:2

29..”gavest me a kid, that I might make merry with my friends.” The youngest son isn’t making merry with his friends. He’s with his father and the household. Who has welcomed him home with open arms of love.

30 “But as soon as this thy son was come.” The oldest doesn’t refer to his brother as such, but ‘thy son’.

The oldest son never refers to himself in the dialog as a son to the man.

31 The father refers to this son as “son”. Trying to show the oldest that the father doesn’t see him as a slave but his son.

32 “thy brother” the father is trying to bring the son back into the mindset that this is his brother. Not just the father’s other son.

Everything that the youngest son did at the beginning, the oldest is doing now. Removing himself from everyone that he is attached to.

In every way the oldest son removes himself from his family. Anger can do that. Bitterness can do that. Real or perceived hurts can do that.

The Pharisees where angry that Jesus was welcoming of sinners. Just as the oldest son was angry that his father welcomed the youngest home.

This is a spiritual story. All about God. We humans shouldn’t (this human shouldn’t try to apply this parable) to my life in an Earthly parent way. This is God’s story about love and acceptance. Not Chico’ Mom’s story about the differences in child rearing.

Catholic Production: The Prodigal Sons Older Brother

The Bible

What I Want ‘But’

I want to write.

But there is nothing to say.

I want to speak.

But there are no words.

I want to dance.

But there is no music.

I want to drive.

But there is no where to go.

I want to sing.

But there is no song.

I want to cry.

But there are no tears.

I want to pour out my soul.

But there is no well.

I want to shout.

But there is no volume.

I want to dream.

But there is nothing to dream about.

I hope for a better tomorrow.

Because there is always hope.

July 12, 1993

Taken from a collection I’ve entitled ‘The Destruction of Me’. Started in the 8th grade through college. Not a published book.

Broken Little Light

The last time I got my tires changed, I think the garage broke one of my tire sensors. It worked before. Not after. Now when your tire is flat, that little light goes insane. Right? None stop flashing? No worries.

The last little bit I’ve noticed when I put my foot on the break, my car is a little spongy stopping. Time to have my breaks checked. Today, I drove over to Somerset. When I get out of the car, I notice one of my tires is very low. Almost flat. When I check the pressure, I have 10.5 psi in my tire. 😳 I drove 28 miles. Thank you God that the tire didn’t break apart and leave me on the side of the road or worse.

My tire now has a nice new plug. Somewhere I picked up a nail.

The Covid Lollipop

What say you covid lollipop?

Am I sick or am I not?

With baited breath I wait.

You will seal my fate.

I’ve been careful.

I wear my mask faithful.

Did a germ seep in?

Did the virus finally win?

What say you covid lollipop?

With my family will I be able to shop?

Have dinner?

Will I be a social winner?

What say you covid lollipop?

No covid today. For one more test, that germ has been stopped.

The brand of at-home covid tests that I use; when the test is doing its testing thing, looks like a lollipop. When I was little you could buy rectangle lollipops. They were brown on the outside, pink, and white in the middle. The shape of these tests, along with that swab stick hanging out reminds me of those lollipops.

Plans

Hey! Mr. Boss Man,

be gentle with my plan.

It has done nothing wrong.

All it wishes to do is sing it’s song.

However, because it has to visit a lot of folks.

Take this red ink pen and poke –

make all the changes that need to be make.

And I will make the errors fade.

Taken from ‘The Reconstruction of Me’. A collection of poems I started in the early 2,000’s. Not a published book.