Like fire on the moon,
I am consumed by desire.
Denied love,
my heart shrinks.
Lying!
Pinned by dreams.
March 12, 2000
Taken from ‘The Reconstruction of Me’. A collection of poems I started in the early 2,000’s. Not a published book.
Poetry, writing, drawing, painting and more.
Like fire on the moon,
I am consumed by desire.
Denied love,
my heart shrinks.
Lying!
Pinned by dreams.
March 12, 2000
Taken from ‘The Reconstruction of Me’. A collection of poems I started in the early 2,000’s. Not a published book.
The Legend of Dan Gut
My dad and I went to the family cemetery one Saturday afternoon to look around and just remember. Dad was always talking about the good ole days. About the way things used to be. He told me stories about walking from Elkcorn to Hyden and back. Hoeing in the garden all day for a nickel. There was a sparkle in his eyes when he reminisced about these things.
So I asked him about the holler where the cemetery is. “Dad, does this place have a name?”
He thought for a long time. “All I have ever heard it called is Dan Gut.”
“Do you know how it got that name?”
“Nope, no one ever told me. Men folk didn’t have time to talk about how things got named. We just had time to work.”
I left the conversation at that. There was no cute story to tell. No family secret about this holler grandpa once owned. So I felt compelled to make one up.
Many frontier families where visited by a young man that no one had ever seen before. He asked for food and a place to bed down for the night. Some farmers gave him shelter while others shooed him away.
While traveling through the back hills of Kentucky he came upon a house that looked abandoned. He searched in vane for any signs of life. Even the grass was dying. All he found was a half starved black cat sitting in the shade.
He felt that someone was watching him. As if it was piercing through his very soul. Maybe it was the hungry buzzards circling overhead? He wasn’t sure.
There was something about this house that gave him a sense of dread, which made him reluctant to go toward it. Something was off about this place. However, the blazing sun drove him in. The door gave a heavy groan as
he pushed it open with the tip of his gun barrel. He jumped without moving when a bird fluttered out the open door. On the table was a note that read:
James,
Dear husband, I must take the children and leave for alarming rumors have reached us. If we stay, I fear we may meet the fate of other good people. Mary says 3 people are dead already. I am truly afraid without you. See you at my mothers.
I love you,
Sally
“Ah-feared!” he scoffed. “This here lady have prudy letters, city folk. I gots some news fur’em I’ve walked these here parts, I founds nothin’ to be ah-feared of.” He snorted to himself, “me.” Since these folks ain’t right in the head, I’m taken over. I need vittles.” He searched the house for anything they might have left behind but found nothing. “Nuttin’ ”. He snarled.
He went out side and sat for several hours waiting for something to come along. It was too hot to go hunting. As the sun started to set, something did come by. “You bout the ugliest darn thang I ever did see.” He said to the cat as it crawled between his feet purring. “But ya do.” He picked the cat up and hit it’s head against the porch post. It let out a wild scream then fell silent. “Cats ain’t good fur much.”
The enticing aroma of cooking meat filled the air. After he had his fill of cat, he went outside to find the hide he had discarded through the window. “It be gone!” He proclaimed. “I guess’en sum’ens hungry. Buzzards.”
“There ain’t been a drop of rain in ever,” he said as he settled down to sleep but couldn’t. “A good rain poundin’ on there roof help ah man fall sleep.”
Later that night rain did fall. Thunder rattled the house and the wind howled. Lightning raced across the sky. He thought he heard chanting but brushed it off as the rain. The sound grew louder and louder with each clap of thunder.
Even with the arrival of the rain, he still couldn’t fall asleep. He would close his eyes and only see the cat. He thought he heard it purr. The chanting came to his ears again over the pounding of the rain. He couldn’t tell if it was distant thunder he heard or the beating of drums. Then all of a sudden he felt something move at his feet. “Meow!” The cat’s cry brought him out of bed in a dead panic.
“My mind playin’ tricks. Yelp.” He was too shaken to try sleep again.
He sat there in the dark staring toward his feet. A flash of lightning lit up the room, he saw two red eyes peering out of the darkness. Then a blood curling cat’s cry made him race down stairs. “Wind,” he scoffed, panting.
“RRRREOW!” He leapt backwards toward the fireplace. His heart pounding in his chest. The wind burst through the door blowing it back and forth on its hinges as the rain came gushing in.
He felt something hot and wispy on his neck. As he turned, he froze in his tracks. Before him stood the painted face of a warrior, his eyes glowed yellow like those of a cat. With the next flash of lightning he saw the cat standing in the floor, hissing at him.
The lightning reflected off something shiny. Was it an axe or something smaller? Blows landed on his body, bringing real pain and real blood.
He grabbed a knife plunging it deep into the darkness. Nothing he could do was slowing down the attack. It seemed as if he was fighting air.
Something chopped away at him until he was lying dead on the floor.
Lightning again lit up the house. There he lay in a pool of blood. His clothing ripped to shreds exposing battered flesh and bare bone.
James came home to the hope of Sally bouncing out the door and throwing her arms around him. But she didn’t come out to greet him. His only ‘welcome home’ came from the cat grooming itself on the porch. “Where they at, Dan ole boy?”
He reached down to pat the cat on the head. Who was purring contently. It meowed then curled up in a ball.
When James opened the door, he was hit in the face with hundreds of flies and a rotten smell. On the floor written with what appeared to be guts were the letters D A N. He ran out of the house, jumped on his horse and never
returned to that house.
On his deathbed he told his oldest son of the horror he saw. That is how a small hollow on Rush Creek got the name Dan Gut. To this day people that pass that old house say you can hear a cat meow.
The end.
I originally wrote this story in high school. Overtime, it received a rework. The original story received a B.
Being a Christian isn’t easy. Trying to find that right balance of honoring God with your life but at the same time not pushing others away from being curious about God or Christianity is delicate. I have no desire to tell you your life is a mess when mine is a different mess. I would like to share with you some of my struggles. Maybe you are going through the same thing.
A friend of mine is going to seminary. I have learned so much through him. I am so grateful that he is sharing his knowledge about the Bible.
The piece below I wrote because this is a real struggle in my life. It’s very therapeutic for me to research and write about issues. Most I have zero control over. But I write anyway.
Honor thy parents
The 10 commandments:
Exodus 20:12 honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God give thee.
I honestly struggle with this. How? How do you honor a parent that let bad things happen to you? How!
Some children had a Norman Rockwell childhood. This makes me happy for you. Somehow, I feel like you are in the minority. If I read the chart correctly, chfs.ky.gov had over 550,000 reported cases of child mistreatment in 2020.
One answer I got was, “Respect that you exist because of them. God doesn’t make mistakes.” How! How do you respect a person?
Let God deal with it? Sure. This is the best way. Because we are human, Satan will use this to guilt us. Prod us. And make us think we are bad because honor takes on many different forms. Many children honor their parents by taking on the same career path. Others show honor with material possession: a new house, a new car. Or maybe they show honor by naming a child after a parent.
What about children that were victims of child abuse? How do they honor their parents in the eyes of God that represents the spirit of this commandment?
“I’m only human. I did the best I could.” Well your best sucked!
You are toxic. You are hurtful.
So what to do?
1. Forgive them. (Ephesians 4:32) I could have started off with an easy one. Forgiveness is hard. It we are forgiving ourselves or others. Forgiveness does not excuse bad behavior, nor does it permit future bad behavior.
2. Be grateful. You might ask, grateful for what? You are alive. Pewresearch.com estimates 930,160 abortions were preformed in 2020 nationwide. You may not be setting the world on fire. Life might be a great struggle. You are here.
3. Share Grace. (Titus 3:7) More hard work. But look what Jesus did for me and you. If we accept him as our Lord and savior, he died on a cross for me and you.
4. Love them: (Matthew 5:43-48) No one is saying invite them to your house for Christmas dinner. Or loan them a million dollars. Love comes in many forms.
5. Pray for them. Prayer is our direct line of communication with God. Pray for your ‘bad’ parents. Pray for yourself as well. Ask God to show you the right way to be at peace with a craptastic childhood.
6. If you are a parent, don’t say bad things about your parents in front of your children. They might think this is the way they should talk about you. (Proverbs 22:6)
As Christian children we have to do all the work. But that’s okay. All of the listed above are actions to be taken. Work to be done. These are steps children should take so that they can be healthy physically, mentally and emotionally.
Can’t do it alone. No you can’t. God, friends, preachers, trusted family, therapist, are in this world to help children move in a positive direction. Closer to God. Closer to healing.
pewresearch.com
The Bible
Chfs.ky.gov
The eyes are the windows to the soul.
Their secrets to life, will unfold.
Loose yourself in a gaze.
And clear a blinding haze.
Matthew 6:22 English Standard Verson
22 “The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light,”
Taken from ‘The Reconstruction of Me’. A collection of poems I started in the early 2,000’s. Not a published book.
Dating is difficult at any age. It is especially difficult for me because I’m an introvert.
The older we get, we know a potential partner comes with baggage: children, debt, ex’s, for starters. We hold our breath with anxious dread waiting for the crazy to drop.
I let someone get in my head and convince me that a guy was interested in me. He’s older than me. I attract older men so I bought it hook line and sinker. This is fine?
As time progressed, I started paying attention. She might be right, this guy might be interested. He’s flirty, nice, and hey! He has a job! This is fine.
God so has my back. This was not to be. For this reason or that the curiosity ended.
One day, I’m chatting with my bestie. Come to find out, she knows this guy. And yes, God so has my back. He has more baggage than a 747 fully loaded. Baggage that I couldn’t begin to deal with nor do I want to.
Thank you God!
Read an earlier post: Ships.
Hands bleeding
Head swimming
Knees burning
Pain
Starving stomach
Deprived heart
Sweaty feet
Dazed
Today is?
Where am I?
What is my name?
Help
Sleep
Food
It is me.
I feel better?
Bath
It is good to be back.
Taken from ‘The Reconstruction of Me’. A collection of poems I started in the early 2,000’s. Not a published book.
As I’m sitting waiting to go into the dentist, I notice a sign on the door that I’ve not seen before. In big black letters it reads NO PETS.
That got me to wondering; with as much drama as is going on in our world, how long before my dentist gets in trouble for his sign? A lot of us pet owners view our pets as children. Members of our family. Even closer to us than some of our family members. We dress them up in clothing. Feed them special meals. Let them sleep with us. Take them everywhere we go. Some have developed deep emotional bonds with our pets that we can’t seem to develop with people; maybe shouldn’t have. But alas.
Point being they are more than just a pet. They are companions. They let us cry in their fur, then lick the tears. They rump and play giving us hours of entertainment. Yes, they have the ability to drive us up the wall. They run away. They (like humans) can break our hearts. But unlike humans, it’s not intentional. They are (after all) animals.
Personally, I’m glad my dentist will not allow our fur babies. There are places all that fur shouldn’t go.






My mom and I did go to church with my grandparents. When I was 9; something catastrophic happened in my spiritual life. Out of all the things my selective memory decided to hide from me; I remember that day. The pastor of our church was walking across our porch. “Odd,” I thought for him to pay us a visit. Mom went out on the porch to have an ‘adults only’ conversation.
You could say that I put too much stock in what I learned from cartoons. Now, if Bugs Bunny wanted to know what was going on, he would hold an empty glass up to the wall and listen. It didn’t work too well for me. I got a word here and a word there but not the full gist of the conversation.
I really don’t remember mom’s immediate reaction. But I do remember the aftermath. We had been churched (as I was later to learn that was a thing). Mom and I had been kicked out of church because she was pregnant and unwed. I couldn’t wrap my 9 year old mind around that. Wasn’t church for the sinners? Wasn’t that where sinners were supposed to be?
For the next 21, years I hated God. He, in my book, was a dead beat dad. He hadn’t been around in years and his child support hadn’t been paid up. I also detested organized religion. It didn’t matter what branch of religion or creed. I really wanted no part of it. I wanted nothing to do with church, spirituality, faith, or anything associated with religion.
I made my granny so mad one time when I said the Bible wasn’t anything other than a book about Jewish genealogy. I’m sure she wanted to horse whip me.
Then, I met my best friend. Through her influence I rededicated my life to Christ and just after my 30th birthday, got baptized. I often tease folks by saying all my sins were frozen out of me. I can’t remember if the heater went out of the baptism pool or if they forgot to turn it on. But it was mighty cold and in January no less. I have no doubt that the folks sitting next to me when I rejoined the congregation could feel the cold radiating off me.
Now, Christ is a very important part of my life.
We humans can do a lot to destroy someone’s faith in God. Some choose to let God repair the damage. Others choose to live their lives in the darkness created by ignorance, deceit, spite, or just plain hatred.
Trying to live a Christian life is a very difficult thing to do. I say try. Because that’s what it is. I try. This world is just too much to handle by myself. If I thought about all the things that I have no control over, there is no way I could function. I would curl up in a ball in a dark corner and let life go its own way. I can honestly say that my life with Christ in it is much better than my life without.
Empty mantle
Stranger’s desire
Winter warmth from touch-less cold
Naked shadows dance
In discarded candle light
Taken from ‘The Reconstruction of Me’. A collection of poems I started in the early 2,000’s. Not a published book.