Stupid phone

As she lay there wrapped up in his warmth, she wondered if she could get used to this. Was this what love felt like once the butterflies in your stomach died down? When you let the things that you were self-conscience over dissipate? He didn’t seem to care that she was overweight. In fact, he seemed to enjoy it. She wondered how someone who wasn’t anything like America’s Next Top Model could be loved? People got so hung up on looks. She wasn’t Pizza the Hut but the last two years had played havoc on her nerves and her waist line. He didn’t seem to care, should she? Did the size of your body really matter? Wasn’t it about what was in your heart that should matter?

She was soon asleep.

She woke to the smell of bacon. He appeared with a different pair of yoga pants and t-shirt on and a pair of the socks.

“Good morning sleeping beauty.” He smiled so wide she could see his teeth.

She couldn’t help but smile. “Good morning. Something smells good.”

“How does bacon and eggs sound?” He helped her out of the floor.

“Delicious.”

Esther heard Oscar’s phone ring. He rubbed his forehead with his finger tips before getting up to answer it. He was gone a long time. He had been picking at his breakfast, she was hoping he would come back and finish.

She heard him scream. A long, filled with anguish, beaten down scream. She jumped to her feet, finding him kneeling in the snow, his head in his hands were buried.

It broke her heart. “O.” With great care, she slid her hands across his back. He was shaking but she figured it wasn’t from the cold.

“I’m sorry.” He panted. “No one usually hears me when I scream.” He raised up, falling into her. “I can’t do this.” He whimpered. “God forgive me, I can’t do this.” She just held him not knowing what to say. “Help me.” He pleaded.

She kissed the top of his head, “tell me how?”

Sobs filled her ears, “I don’t know how.” He clung to her as he sobbed that much harder.

He woke in the house. Esther was asleep in the chair in the corner. Her book in the floor. He felt so weak and tired. A look in the bathroom mirror showed him that his face was red, swollen, and his eyes blood shot. God, help me!

Esther slid her hands around his waist, laying her head on his back. He cupped a hand over hers. “I can’t do this anymore Ess. There is no more fight in me.”

“Is this something we can do together?”

“I don’t know how. My family is killing me. How as a Christian can I tell them to f off?”

“If you were not a Christian, what would you do?”

“I want nothing more to do with them.”

“Where do you see the issue to cutting ties?”

The tone of his voice told her he thought she had lost her mind. He turned in her arms to face her, “the fifth commandment from God.”

“Honor the father and mother.”

“That has been drilled in me from birth.”

“May I suggest doing a Bible study?”

“A Bible study?”

“Yes.”

His heart lightened. “I like that.”

Winter Season

Merry Christmas

Oscar didn’t even say goodbye. He blindly walked from the jeep to his house.

Esther waited a couple hours before she went over. It was getting dark and it was still snowing. She was a little nervous about going over to Oscar’s knowing how his day had been.

When she rang the doorbell, he answered in his pj’s. She assumed. It was a pair of male yoga pants and a t-shirt. “Hi.”

“Hi, please come in,” he smiled.

“Am I interrupting?”

“Not at all, please come in. May I take your coat?”

She allowed him to take it off and he hung it up. “Are you okay?”

“For the most part.”

She set on the couch and waited for him to join her. It seemed to her that he was gone a really long time; which made her even more nervous. He sat down beside her and she jumped.

He smiled, “nervous?”

She blushed, “a little.”

He took her hand, “heavens why?”

“I didn’t know they made yoga pants for guys.”

“They are extremely comfortable.”

She smiled, “close your eyes.”

He did so, and she placed his present on his lap. “Okay.”

He opened his eyes and saw the bag. He looked shocked at first. “Honey, you didn’t have to buy me a thing.”

“I know, but I wanted too. Open it, please. If you don’t like them, I kept the receipt if you want to take them back.”

He removed the paper and pulled out 5 pairs of socks. He blushed, grinning as he examined each pair. One had Chihuahua’s all over them. One was fish. Another was covered with dancing hot dogs. Still another was a spin on a Star Wars quote. He erupted with laughter. The last pair was a Star Trek Star Wars pon. “These are great.” When he looked up, she was all smiles. “What?” He blushed.

“You laughed. A real laugh.”

“There’s more where that came from.” He teased, reaching around the couch and presenting her with a bag. Inside there was a pair of black yoga pants with the high school mascot on them and a white long sleeved t-shirt with the same mascot. She smiled, “thank you. And I believe you even got the sizes right.”

“I am full of surprises.” He smiled. “When’s your birthday?”

She looked confused, “why?”

He kissed her softly, then before long, it was THAT KISS. “January,” she hissed.

“May,” his forehead was touching hers. He was panting softly.

She held his face in her hands. “O,” she whispered.

“Yes my love.” His eyes were still closed and he was still panting.

“Merry Christmas.”

“Do you have any idea what you do to me when you hold my face that way?” Her thumbs were touching at his chin, palms laying on his jaw line with the tip of her middle finger touching his ear lobe.

“Should I not..?”

He gently held her wrists. “I like it. It feels..”He started shaking. She let go of his smooth face as he laid his head on her left shoulder, she held him. “I understand why you like this spot so much.” The sound of her heart was calm and peaceful. It was like hearing your favorite lullaby. “You are an amazing woman. Do you know that?”

“How do you figure?” She stroked his hair.

He didn’t answer. The sound of her heart beat along with her fingers in his hair were more powerful than any sleeping pill.

When she woke, she was lying in the floor, covered up with a blanket and there was a pillow under her head. He was lying beside of her with her arm under his, his hand on top of hers. It was amazing to her how he was always so warm. She rolled over and was facing him. The desire to caress his face overtook her. Even with the slight night stubble that was forming on his face, his skin was still soft. He moaned lightly. Because she didn’t want to wake him, she stopped.

“Don’t stop.”

“Did I wake you?”

“No.”

“So what day?” It took him a moment to wrap his mind around what she was asking.

“15th.”

“2nd.” She replied. He wrapped her tightly in his arms and fell right back to sleep.

Winter Season

Alex

“It amazes me the things parents tell children to get them to not do the things they think they shouldn’t do. But kissing makes babies.” Esther raised an eyebrow. Oscar smiled. He kissed the top of her hand again before moving the jeep. “You know, I feel sorry for Doris.”

“Why?” Oscar slid the jeep to a stop again.

“Think about it. Your whole family has got her convinced that she’s gonna marry you and have a family. That was cruel not only to her but for you as well.”

“I know Doris. She already has three children by three different men. It says a lot about a woman, a mother, when the court gives her children to their fathers.”

Esther raised an eyebrow, “indeed.”

“Do you know why she has four teeth?”

“Drugs?”

“Yes, that’s why she lost her children.”

“And I’m the Whore of Babylon.” She huffed. “How does Alex fit in to this?”

“Alex is the first child. He’ll be in my class next year.”

“Why the wait between children? Alex is what, 16?”

“That is a mess and a half to explain.”

“I’m not being judgmental; if you hadn’t said he, I wouldn’t have known.”

“Alex has chosen to be non-binary. Alex is a gender neutral name. His name is Joseph. He hates it. Hates being a boy. I’m pretty sure he hates the world.”

“Joe can be a gender neutral name.”

“Until you spell it.” Oscar clarified. “I often thought he might someday come to live with me.”

“How does that sit with your family?”

“Oat and Pricilla could care less. It sent mom over the edge. She was calling me 20 times a day; ‘do something about your nephew. Make him not be this way’. Like I have the power to make him do anything.”

Esther wasn’t sure what to say next. “Your mom seemed more upset over the use of language than she did Oat calling Alex a miserable shit.”

“You hit the nail on the head. Once again in our amazing family dynamic, the child gets to bear the sins of the parents.”

She wrinkled her nose, “Christianity doesn’t work that way. Jesus did away with all that. Just like he did away with animal sacrifices.”

“The Old Testament is full of examples. Society makes us pay for the sins of the parents. I went to a doctor once, everything was going great until she learned who my mother was. Her whole attitude toward me changed and I chose to find a new g.p.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’ve often thought what it would be like to move.” He sighed, talking more to himself than her. “Start life over.”

“Scary as hell.”

He smiled an embarrassed smile when he looked at her. He really had forgotten who he was talking to. But she was smiling.

Esther changed the subject. “Did they get you a present?”

“No, I’m expected to give not receive.”

They continued home in silence.

Winter Season