God, Chico and Me

I’ve come to the realization that I’m going to be alone the rest of my life.

Every now and then, this will cause me strife.

I have been alone far too long.

I don’t know if someone else can sing my song.

Someone else’s song, could I learn?

Each others life, we could upturn.

It might be nice to have someone to see a drive-in movie with.

A patio lunch, good food to sniff.

Someone to share lives days.

Come what they may.

Do I really want someone all up in my bis?

Running around in a fiz.

Mostly, I’m okay.

Attention, I don’t pay.

God’s got my back.

With his help, I can pack.

Sometimes Chico is a pill.

I can’t imagine life without him, still.

When I need a good cry,

his fur easily dries.

Chico doesn’t care about mental distress.

To him, all things I can confess.

He doesn’t care if I don’t wear make-up,

if I’m feeling subpar. Or feel the need to burp.

Hairs a mess.

Don’t want to dress.

As long as he gets walked, food, and cuddles –

he endures the muddles.

Much like God, he listens to me intently.

But he will not correct me gently.

Or light my path in the dead of night.

Or drive away lives unsightly frights.

I do wish he would learn how to mow.

Or do laundry, or sew.

I have amazing friends to help me see.

But at the end of the day; when I lay down my head, it’s God, Chico and me.

Once there was Darkness

Chapter 16

Part 2

Kol woke to the sound of a slamming door. He was sitting in a chair, his head on her shoulder and she was on a table. The slamming door was from two big men carrying a table followed by a very small woman. He remembered, this was Enda. The men put the table down behind him.

Enda had to stand on a stool to check on Kessa’s wound. She walked around the table. Kol estimated that maybe 3 inches of her head was visible as she walked. Enda looked right at Kol; pointed at him, pointed at the table, made her hands to represent pillows, laid her head on them, pointed at the bed, then back at Kol. He gave a sleepy smile. It was understood what she wanted him to do. She pointed at him again before bowing her head to leave.

Kol woke again to the sounds of Kessa stirring. “How are you feeling?”

“Let’s pray that never happens again, my king.”

There was a knock, “come.” Kol instructed.

It was Max and a very young girl. Kessa got up as did Kol.

Kessa said her name, “Jolla?”

She started sobbing, “I did it. I shot you. I just wanted to make sure the first arrow I made worked.”

Kessa laughed, “child, it worked.”

“What shall her punishment be?” Max asked smiling.

Jolla stood like a stone. Tears streaming down her face. “Name it.”

Kessa looked at Kol, “what do you think, my king?”

“King!?” Jolla squeaked. She tried to make herself smaller than she was.

He put his thumb under his chin and is forefinger over his mouth. “Has this ever happened before?” He pointed at Jolla, “a trainee shooting a Bejhar commander?”

“All we were allowed to shoot was hunks of wood and lesser animals.” Max was trying so hard not to smile.

“When Marcus was a lieutenant he was hit in the rump with a stone from a sling. He couldn’t walk for days.” Kessa reflected.

“I’ve got it!” Max said with glee. “Kitchen duty.”

Jolla stifled a protest. After all, she did say name it.

“There are a lot of mouths to feed.” Kol remarked.

Max said, “You are going to start now. Go to Cupia, see if there was anything left from breakfast, for two, and bring it back here.”

“Yes sir.” Jolla bowed her head and left. Max lowered his head and followed behind her.

Kessa smiled, “you being here scared her more than any fear of punishment. I think I need to keep you around, my king.”

Waste not. Want not: leftovers

This poem is being written in stages to highlight the things I do toward frugal living.

Leftovers are my jam.
From me, they do not scram.

I freeze you to eat you for lunch.
Which helps my overall finances a bunch.

Someday I’d like to retire.
I’m sick of this mire.

Waste not. Want not.

Growing up; my daily life was filled with the saying, “waste not, want not.”

When you’re young, what clue do you have in lives dot?

As we grow; we learn, “money doesn’t grow on trees.”

I save the salt from chocolate squeeze.

To my stew you are added.

Flavor has been padded.

Aw sheet!

Blasted hole. This is not a treat.

I’m gonna fix you. I guarantee.

From my needle you need to flee.

More time will be added to your life. Around you I shall mend.

So more dream filled nights, you can tend.

Coffee. Nectar of God. You help me through another day.

Upright and functional, you help me stay.

What about your grounds?

A use for you, I have found.

Nutrients to the soil you will add.

Helping my veggies grow big and strong. Which will make me very glad.

Leftovers are my jam.

From me, they do not scram.

I freeze you to eat you for lunch.

Which helps my overall finances a bunch.

Someday I’d like to retire.

I’m sick of this mire.

Once there was Darkness

Chapter 16

Part 1

Kol absent mindedly walked through the palace. His fingers rubbing the medallion. He hadn’t gotten the chance to talk to Kessa anymore about the dreams that upset him. She wasn’t right. He worried about her. How stupid was he? He also needed to explore the unexpected kiss.

How could he be so thoughtless? He knew God was trying to tell him something. Was it too soon to voice his concerns to her? ‘FOOL, YOU SHOULD HAVE WAITED!’ He scolded himself as he turned to walk down a different hall. Still rubbing the medallion. ‘No. But what?’

He had never felt this completely lost. There were times he’d been close. ‘Do you love her?’ Raced across his mind. ‘Do I?’ What was this battle?

As he walked past a porter, he stopped staring at the lady. She was too afraid to speak. “Will you do me a favor?”

“Sire,” she finally choked.

“Find Kessa, tell her I want to speak with her.” He moved to leave; thought better of it and took a step back. “Better yet, don’t come back without her.”

“Sire.”

It was two hours before the porter returned. As the library door opened, she ran in slid on her knees to a stop and piled up in a heap in front of Kol. “You are not Kessa.”

She finally squeaked, “no.”

“Well.”

“Barracks, hurt. Can’t,” before she could finish Kol was out the door. He found Kessa in a chair, Max was standing behind her while Rajaf was in front of her and an arrow was through her shoulder. She had her left hand over her face. Her top had been cut exposing all of her arm and shoulder.

Rajaf voiced, “baby girl. There is no way around this. It’s going to hurt.”

Kol could hear her breathe. With each breath that she exhaled, it sounded like waves hitting the beach as a storm approached. “My king.” She spoke.

Max and Rajaf turned to see Kol.

He walked over and knelt on one knee beside of her. “What can I do to help?”

She tried to smile, “magically get this arrow out of me and it not hurt.”

“How did this happen?”

Max answered, “one of us, we are always getting hurt.”

“Solid wooden arrow,” Rajaf scoffed. “Can’t remove the tip off this one.”

“Trainee’s use solid arrows.” Kol raised an eyebrow.

Max lifted his shoulders.

“Go get Carl. Have him break the tail off this thing and get it out of me.” Kessa’s eyes were starting to droop and her skin was turning pale.

Max looked wide eyed at Rajaf. Pleading with him almost.

“Do you have a better idea?” Rajaf asked. Max left.

“Kessa,” Kol called her name softly. Her left arm plopped down on his thigh. Kol took her hand. As her head started to wobble, he took his right hand and placed it at the base of her neck for stability. He noticed she was wearing the necklace he had gifted her.

Max returned with Carl. He was a massive man. Kol wasn’t sure he would have room to work to break the tail off the arrow. Rajaf had a pouch of something. He prayed over it. When Carl put his hands on the arrow; Kessa’s breathing reminded Kol of waves hitting the shore. Her abdomen rippled in pain. Breathe in; out the wave crashed. In was smooth and steady. Out, more waves. Breathe in.

“Kessa,” Kol spoke. “How do you think I’d look without hair?” He looked up. “It works for Carl.”

She looked up at Carl; then back at Kol. A wide smile lit up her face. Kol took his hands putting them at his hair line, trying to hide his hair. “It could work.” He posed his face profile for her.

Max looked at Rajaf with a questioning glance as Kessa started laughing. Carl broke the arrow pulling it out the other side. Rajaf smothered the wound with white liquid from the pouch. Kessa slid from the chair into Kol’s arms. He sat her back up in the chair so Rajaf could dress the wound.

Rajaf smiled at him, “that was clever. Thank you my king.”

Once there was Darkness

Dreams

Part 2

He broke the silence, “I’m asking the hard questions today.”

“There’s nothing wrong with the asking. Sometimes there are no answers or easy ones for that matter.”

They continued working. She prayed he would leave after they finished this row. But he didn’t. The bell rang alerting everyone the sun was setting. They walked toward the barracks, “are you staying for dinner?” It was the polite thing to ask.

He pointed, “lead the way.”

Neither of them spoke through dinner. They talked to the people around them but not to each other.

Max eyed Frego with a confused looked. Frego shrugged the best he could without being noticed.

“Where are you staying tonight?”

“With dad.” Came her dry reply. “My king.”

“May I walk you?”

“Thank you, my king.”

Frego couldn’t wait for them to leave so he could speculate with Max.

When they were in the street, she started walking toward the palace. “Where are you going?”

“I’m walking you home. Max is still eating.”

“There are 18 more of you.” He gently reminded her. She changed her direction back toward her dad’s. “What did I say that upset you?” He sat on a random wall. This was not a conversation she wanted to have. It wasn’t time. Her time or God’s time? She wasn’t sure. She was thankful it was dark. This way he couldn’t/wouldn’t see. “Kes, I’ve been dreaming about you. The woman I see in my dreams is not the woman I see when I’m awake.”

She choked on her words, “what’s the difference?” Maybe if she redirected? “You told me about the battle of Youn-der? How am I not that person?”

“These are dreams. They are not memories. What is God trying to show me?”

Her answer was as emotionless as she could get it. “You haven’t shared these with me.”

“I know it’s dark. Look at me, please.” The features of his face were soft in the sparse light.

The effort it took was immense. ‘Blank,’ she told herself. ‘Be blank.’

He studied her face before he spoke. “God, I believe, has put this on my heart. I’m worried about you. All I ever see is this amazingly strong woman. You are amazing and you are strong.”

“God has to tell you to worry about me?”

“That was not my intended direction.” She shook her head. “I feel like there is nothing you can’t do? Name something you can’t do.”

“Sing.”

“That was a quick response.”

“Well, I can’t.” She protested. “I appreciate your worry. It makes me a little glad to think someone worries about me. Even if God had to poke you. But you don’t have too. I know you have greater worries.”

“I know your dad does.” She didn’t respond.

Kessa felt a new presents. Someone carrying a torch came around a corner walking toward them. The upset man growled through gritted teeth, “get your lazy drunk ass off my wall.” Kol didn’t say a word but turned to face the angry man. His eyes got large and round. Frighten, he dropped the torch before turning and ran back toward his house giving Kessa a chance to disappear into the darkness.

Just Kidding

Have you ever said something very hurtful to someone only to say, “just kidding?” Or have you had it done to you?

Just kidding.

There is a lot of truth in jest. Be it a personal private truth or how you really feel about someone or something.

Just kidding.

People think they are being funny, cute, or a wise ‘guy’.

Just kidding.

What about backhanded compliments? That dress looks amazing on you.

Just kidding.

You know I’m only playing. Right?

Just kidding.

Trying to make you smile.

Just kidding.

You are too up tight. I’m only playing.

Just kidding.

Why do you have to take EVERYTHING out of context?

Just kidding.

Where is your sense of humor?

Just kidding.

Once there was Darkness

Dreams

Part 1

The army had a garden behind the barracks. Everyone had to take turns. You ate, you worked. This is where Kol found Kessa; on her hands and knees pulling weeds.

Wild thoughts went through his head seeing her like this. ‘If only!’ He thought.

After watching her for a few minutes, he walked over, tapping her hat. “Where did you get that?”

She rose up. At first she was annoyed. But when she realized it was him, that feeling vanished. As she started to get up, he got down on his knees. “What brings you my way, my king?”

He pointed at her head and smiled. “You first.”

It was a straw hat with a very wide brim. Kol hadn’t been in the garden since he was a young man. “We encourage you to wear these when you’re working. It helps keep the sun out of your eyes and off your neck.”

“Since when?”

She thought for a minute, “well I guess since you left, my king.”

He took her’s off her head rolling it around and turning it over. “This would have been very nice. How do I look?” He smiled, modeling the hat for her.

She laughed, “like you’re ready to work, my king.”

“We can work and talk.”

She motioned toward the barracks. A young man brought out a hat and a pair of gloves for Kol. “We didn’t have these either.” He commented as he put them on.

Kessa took the newly arrived hat. “What would you like to talk about, my king?”

“You have reminded me that God talks to us but that we don’t always listen.” He stepped over to the other side of the row she was weeding so that he was facing her.

“Yes.”

“How do you feel about dreams?”

“As communication from God? Joseph is a strong example.” Genesis 37

“What about for you?”

“When my world is quiet, I hear more. I have to make the noise go away. Some times the only place I can do that is in a prayer closet. Any place you can commune with God.” She held up a hand full of weeds. “Here in the garden. Calm heart. Calm mind.” Matthew 6:6

“Why would he choose dreams?”

“Why not? Maybe it is the only time you are truly still?”

“How many times have we been to worship? I don’t recall Priest Solomon ever going into great detail about dreams. I know I’ve heard the passages read. He’s never really spoken about the dreaming part of it.”

She stood. He was a little shocked. Then he realized they had arrived at the end of a row. “More?” She pointed to the next one.

He got up, going around to the next row. There was a sudden realization; “you didn’t speak to me first.”

She blushed, “deep in thought.”

“God was talking to you?”

“Maybe.”

“Maybe?” He questioned. “You make it sound so point in fact. Direct. Much like this conversation.”

“It is. But my feeble mind sometimes needs time to catch up, process.” They moved down the row in silence.

“Is it overwhelming?” He broke the silence.

“Sometimes. We are human. We tend to fight against God. We feel like a task is too difficult. His direction is not the direction we want to go. We’re scared. Our excuses to God are endless.”

“What if he’s answered a prayer?”

Kessa was lost. “My king?”

“Has God ever answered a prayer for you but the answer was (in hindsight) more painful than what you were going through at the time?”

Suddenly, it felt like she’d been punched in the stomach. Her reply was not quick. It took energy not to break down sobbing. If she cried now, would he be able to tell the difference between sweat and tears? She said a silent prayer for God to guide her words so that she didn’t give away her true emotional state.

Menopause

From the time we are born until the time we die, we are changing.

Not able to give a voice to the complaining.

Things grow in places there hadn’t been things before. Scary, hairy, sore.

Moods off. Height soars.

Voice scores.

Things level off. Your body rests.

You know what to expect.

Life flows.

Time grows.

Before long, age happens. Mood blackens.

My body. What is this?

Just when I was learning.

Mood swings.

Epidermis dry.

Night sweats.

Overweight – slow metabolism.

Painful EVERYTHING.

Air head.

Urine incontinence.

Sleep gone.

Exhaustion.

This is not bliss.

I’m told, things will level off again.

My body will become my friend.

Until that happens, everyday is learning.

Changes concerning.

So until the day arrives that this is over;

I will just have to wait for closure.

Once there was Darkness

Chapter 15

Kol and Abraham were wondering through the market. He stopped at Roy’s booth. Roy was the best jeweler in Mecca. His better stuff was in his shop. Kol was surprised to see Roy here. Usually it was one of his children. “Sire,” he bowed his head.

Kol found a very simple cross. It wasn’t heavy. He thought it delicate and pretty. “I’ll take this.” Roy was a little stunned by the kings purchase but said nothing. “Will you come by and see me later and bring this?”

“Yes, sire.”

After the market had closed, Roy made his trip to the king. Kol was in the library. He paid Roy and accepted the necklace. “I would like to commission a piece from you.”

“Sire, I would be delighted.”

“I would like a bracelet.” Kol produced a string from the desk drawer, “this long.”

“Including the clasp?”

Kol thought for a moment, “when it closes, it needs to be the exact length of this string.”

“Yes, sire.”

“This shouldn’t be difficult for you. Since you’ve done it before.” He pointed at the coat of arms, “I want a replica of this to be in the center.”

“Sire?” Roy questioned. “I’ve never done anything with this coat of arms.”

Kol looked at him like he had lost his mind. Before taking off his medallion and handing it to Roy.

Roy studied it for a very long time. “Wow! This is amazing. Excellent work. But sire, I didn’t do this.” He returned it to Kol. “What does it say on the backside?”

“I was hoping you could tell me.”

He shook his head, “no, I have no idea. It is beautiful work.”

Kol took a ring off his little finger, “is this big enough to write on?”

Roy turned it over between his fingers, “front or back?”

“Opinion.”

“Do you know what you want it to say?”

“1 John 4:18.”

“I can work up a few ideas and let you pick.” He handed the ring back.

“Follow me.” Kol took Roy outside to the garden. “See these purple flowers? I want the coat of arms to be the center and these flowers to go out from it. Work up your design.”

“Yes sire.”

Kol lit the candle and Kessa answered.

“My king,” she bowed her head.

Kol told a little lie, “I took my medallion over to Roy today. I wanted one made for Frego. I was shocked to learn Roy didn’t make this.” He walked closer to Kessa with the medallion in his hand. “What does it say on the back?”

“Psalms 23:5”

“In what language?”

“Our old language that mostly the priest use now.”

“This is beautiful. Even Roy was amazed. Kes, who did you commission to make this?”

“Would you really like one for Frego?”

“I would.” He walked over to his bed table, “I have something for you.”

“My king.” He produced a little box, handing it to her. She was nervous about taking it.

He noticed, “you will hurt my feelings if you don’t accept it.” He smiled.

She took the box from him opening it, “It’s beautiful.”

He took it out, putting it around her neck.

“Thank you, my king.”

Waste not. Want not: coffee

This is a poem I’m doing in stages to highlight the little things I do toward frugal living.

Coffee. Nectar of God. You help me through another day.

Upright and functional, you help me stay.

What about your grounds?

A use for you, I have found.

Nutrients to the soil you will add.

Helping my veggies grow big and strong. Which will make me very glad.

Waste not. Want not.

Growing up; my daily life was filled with the saying, “waste not, want not.”

When you’re young, what clue do you have in lives dot?

As we grow; we learn, “money doesn’t grow on trees.”

I save the salt from chocolate squeeze.

To my stew you are added.

Flavor has been padded.

Aw sheet!

Blasted hole. This is not a treat.

I’m gonna fix you. I guarantee.

From my needle you need to flee.

More time will be added to your life. Around you I shall mend.

So more dream filled nights, you can tend.

Coffee. Nectar of God. You help me through another day.

Upright and functional, you help me stay.

What about your grounds?

A use for you, I have found.

Nutrients to the soil you will add.

Helping my veggies grow big and strong. Which will make me very glad.